Shadow
by C.S. Ghostwriter
Summary: Bella is now a vampire and brought a gift into her new life. Will Edward be able to fight her force or is she too powerful? After her conversion she comes to know her story: What does her old family think happend to her? Enjoy and tell me your verdict...
1. Fist Step

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**_Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight Series and the wonderful characters inside._******

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**_Author's note:_**

**_But I owe much S.M.. I had many hours of fun while I read Twilight, New Moon, and Eclipse. _**

**_She is such a great writer. _**

**_Enjoy the story and please review. _**

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**1. First Step**

Raining started heavier. I glanced out of the window. The drops fell down on earth like there were nothing else as Edward and me. Everything seemed to be normal. I felt comfortable inside the silver Volvo with him next to me. He drove as fast as usual but at this time I hoped more than ever he wouldn't because I needed time to phrase the sentences in my head I would say to Charlie.

Edward smiled at me. His cool hand was on mine. I wasn't able to talk to him. My thoughts were too confused. "Are you nervous?" Edward asked. It wasn't a real question because he has already known. My heartbeat was faster than normal and my hands were cold and wet. I wasn't sure, if they were colder than his. "A bit," I smiled back. "You are not alone, you know. That's not about you or me, that's about us. I will talk to Charlie, too." Edward tried to comfort me. "And you also know I'm bulletproof," he grinned. I forced a smile at him.

Then we arrived at Charlie's house. The lights were on and I could see inside the house. It felt strange to know there would be a time sooner than ever I wouldn't be able to come back to here. I wouldn't be able to talk to him or to hug him. At this time there wouldn't be a way back to my father. But I've made my decision. Now I wanted to start my new life. And this was the first step.

Edward was on the passenger door and opened it for me. He took my hand. I looked at him. "What is Charlie thinking about?" "Just about baseball and the next homerun. He is watching the game," Edward said seriously. We stepped to the front door. My stomach twisted and my hands were shacking slightly. Edward pulled me close to his chest and kissed my hair. Then his golden eyes looked into mine. I couldn't stand it. I looked at the ground. My head was dizzy. He brushed gently my cheek with his cool fingertips and forced me to look at his face. He was so beautiful. Just perfect. I wasn't able to believe that he was choosing me. Was choosing me for eternity although I hurt him so much.

His cool lips were softly crushing mine. My hands were gripping his arms and my blood was sputtering into my head. Everything was spinning. I was nearly to faint. "Isabelle Marie Swan, you are my love, you are my life, you are the reason for my existence and soon you will be my wife." He smiled his crocked smile, my favorite one. The smile I couldn't withstand. "Don't worry. I'm with you. He is your father. He loves you. He will accept it. There is no reason to be afraid." Edward looked at me. I felt the heavy ring on the third finger of my left hand. I turned the stone to the inside of my hand and took a deep breath. It was time. "Let's go," I said, smiling at the love of my life. He was worth it.

When I opened the door, Edward was near behind me. His hands were on my shoulders. Charlie shouted "Bells, it's you, honey?" "Yeah, Dad, it's Edward and me," who else it should be, I wondered myself again. "Hi kids, how was your day? Have you had fun?" We approached the living room. "Good evening, Charlie," Edward said politely. "Our day was fine, Dad," I said, looking at Charlie. Edward's hands were now slightly touching my waist. He was still behind me. "So are you okay?" Charlie tried to investigate my face with his eyes. He was lying on the sofa and watching the game as Edward said before we came in. "Yes, I'm alright. Why are you asking?" "I thought there could be a problem with Jacob," he answered, looking from me to Edward and back. "Billy called me this afternoon. You know, Jacob isn't recovering from his accident right now."

At this moment I felt bad. There was pain inside me. The hole in my chest was answering the question, I asked myself. Yes, I was guilty. There was so much guilt I could hardly look into mirror this morning. I hurt Jake. The only person who had been there for me when everything else seemed to be lost. I hurt him so much that he couldn't even concentrate himself to get recovered. But I also hurt Edward, my whole love, my universe, the most beautiful and loveliest person I've ever met. I kissed another man and that wasn't enough. I cried for him in such a pain, Edward has never seen at me. It wasn't my will that he saw it, but I couldn't prevent. I was too weak. I swore myself he will never see that again. I will never betray him again. Not even in my mind. But now I wasn't sure what was stronger – the pain or the guilt. I tried to concentrate on the reason for I stood in front of Charlie and Edward behind me. It wasn't my intension for nothing in the world that Edward picked up the pain I felt at this moment. And so I smiled at him and tried to get a grip on myself.

"Dad, I'm so sorry for Jake. It was really a bad accident. But I don't think we can do something more to help him right now. Carlisle is doing his best." I tried to abandon the conversation about my best friend, my soul mate and if things were totally different from now, I bet something more. No, I didn't bet, I knew. He would be something more for me – much more. But things were different and there was Edward. My Edward, my life, my love. The reason for I was standing here. I felt his cool hands touching my arms. "Dad, we've to talk to you. There is something you have to know." I glanced at him. I pulled Edward to the sofa that was standing next to Charlie's and sat down. Charlie stared at me not able to figure out fast enough what I was talking about. Then he looked at Edward. I took a deep breath and started the sentence I thought about in the car. "Dad, I promised you I will tell you before I will do anything major. I think I have to tell you something." I turned the ring on my left hand with my right one, so that the ring was quite well visible and stretched out my left hand for a short time to show it Charlie. Edward squeezed my right hand softly. He seemed to be relieved that I was able to speak it out in front of Charlie. "Dad, Edward asked me to marry him and I said yes," I whispered. Charlie didn't look confused. He appeared more than he was expecting something like this. I was a bit shocked. I didn't await such a reaction. Charlie was calm. He said nothing. He was only looking at us.

Now, it was Edward's turn. He smiled at me and then he looked at my father. "Charlie, I'm so sorry for hurting Bella. I'll never forgive myself for leaving her. This will never happen again. There will never be a chance to hurt the most beautiful woman in my life. I will take care of her. And I will fulfill every one of her desires, if it is possible for me." He looked into my eyes. I wasn't prepared. My blood was sputtering. "I love you so much. You are the love of my live, Bella," he whispered, loud enough Charlie could hear. Then he glanced back at him. His eyes were concentrated on Charlie's face. "Sir, I would like to have your permission for your daughter's hand in marriage," Edward said softly with his velvet voice. He smiled at Charlie. I was grinning to myself. He was trying to dazzle Charlie. He knew exactly his effect he had on people, if he wanted. He could be so manipulative in a special way. I liked it. It was quite sexy. But I would never admit to him. It wasn't right to do this to other people, especially not to Charlie.

At that time I came back of my thoughts. Charlie seemed to have asked me something. Edward eyed me. His face was so perfect, his marble skin so beautiful. I felt overstrained at this moment and so I gabbed the first words I could think of. "Edward, I love you." "Fine, Bells, I could imagine, if you want to marry him. But are sure that it has to be now? Not a bit later? Maybe after college?" Charlie suggested reproachfully. And there was a false grin on his face. Edward touched my hand. His cool fingers brushed gently my palm. "No, Dad, I'm really sure that it has to be now." I looked at his face. He wasn't a man of many words and I was his daughter. I was very similar to him. So we stared at each other for a long moment and he seemed to understand. But his eyes showed that he wasn't approving of the wedding. Not yet.

Suddenly he nodded. Edward looked seriously at him. There was an expression of pain on Edward's face. I couldn't bear Edward was suffering from pain. I glared at Charlie, having no idea what would come. "So, Edward, there seems to be no reason for refusing permission, but I will warn you. If I find her ever the way I did at this night, you will be the first I'll make responsible for. And at this time you will bear the whole consequences, I promise." Edward looked at the ground, not able to move. Now I knew exactly what pictures were in Charlie's mind. He saw me after Sam had found me in the woods. And Edward read his mind. "Yes, Sir. Thank you so much, Sir," Edward said seriously.

Then Charlie's face changed his expression. He smiled a bit and said something I couldn't believe. I would have bet against Alice that he never would say that. "Yeah, that's it. So, welcome to family, Mr. Cullen." Charlie ginned at Edward and at this time the grin was right. Edward grinned back. "Thank you, Charlie. I'll never disappoint you," Edward promised. I knew he would. He would at this day we vanished for Charlie, Renée and the rest of the world that wouldn't be the Cullens, my new family. Finally I felt sad, but I was prepared. I thought of Edward and the fact we could be together for eternity.

"For which date the wedding is planned, honey?' my Dad asked. "August thirteenth," I answered automatically.

I realized Edward was standing in the middle of the living room. "It's late. It's time to leave now, love." Edward said with his velvet voice, looking at me. "Goodnight, Charlie." "Night, Edward", Charlie spluttered. He seemed to be really tired. I followed Edward to the front door. He kissed my forehead. "I'll be back so soon you won't be able to miss me, love", he whispered. Then he slid out of the front door into his silver Volvo. The engine started and a few seconds later he was gone. I comforted myself with knowing he would be in my room when I went upstairs. But I felt empty without Edward near by me. "Bells?" Charlie groaned from the living room. "Yeah, Dad." "Honey, you know I'll support you, but I can't approve of this wedding. It's too soon. You are so young. Please, think about it one more time. We will talk about it tomorrow. Night, Bells." "Night, Dad," I said, hoping for seeing Edward when I was stepping upstairs.

I opened the door to my room and slipped inside. Edward wasn't already back. I knew he was fast but it took him more than ten minutes to come back after driving his car home. So I decided to have a shower. I thought about Renée and the way I would tell her about my marriage with Edward, grabbing my pajamas off the chair and my bag of toiletries off the desk. I went to the bathroom and closed the door. The hot water felt nice against me. My muscles were relaxing and my breath was clam. I washed my hair, making up my mind for calling Renée tomorrow. I was going to tell her the fact of my early wedding straight on. This was the best method, I supposed. After the first shock, she would be happy and excited. I shut off the water, toweling hastily and pulled on my pajamas. After that, I brushed my teeth, looking into my face in the mirror and thinking of... . Yes, I found myself thinking of Jake. Thinking of his smile, his warm hands and his laughter. I missed my friend so much. Suddenly there were tears in my eyes. I finished brushing my teeth and went in thoughts of Jake to my room. When I arrived, Edward was sitting on my bed and smiling at me. "Hey," he said. "You look upset, love". He opened his arms for me. My body threw himself automatically against his cold, hard chest. I didn't need a second to think about it. My desire for him was so strong I couldn't control myself. I breathed in the sweetness of his skin. His cool hands were on my back. My heart was beating faster. Suddenly Edward pushed me slightly away, so he could look into my eyes. There were tears again. "What is it, Bella," he demanded. I shook my head, not able to look at his face. "Please, Bella, tell me," he begged with his soft voice. "I can't," I gasped. "Why?" he asked, his voice now anxious. "I'll never hurt you again. So please ignore this, Edward. It will pass in a minute," I said, guilty looking at his face. "It is about Jacob," his voice was serious. "Don't read my mind," I answered kiddingly.

"I wasn't reading your mind but your face. You look awful upset, Bella."

"He was my friend." Yeah, was, not is. That hurt so much I couldn't breathe.

"I need time. It will pass, Edward."

"You have all the time you need, Bella. But are you really sure of..." I pulled my hand over his cool mouth.

"Yes, I'm and yes, I do want the marriage. And there is nothing or anybody else I would or could prefer to you."

He looked deeply into my eyes. Then his lips crushed mine. There was no time for thinking only for feeling. I felt his hands in my hair putting my arms around his neck and pulling myself tighter to him. My sadness was gone. For this moment I disconnected my brain from my body. I wanted him so bad. There was nothing else I could think of. His hands were everywhere on me. His lips moved softly from my mouth to my jaw and then to my neck. What was he doing? The butterflies in my stomach flooded my throat. I wasn't able to speak. My head was spinning. I was near a collapse. He touched gently the bare skin of my waist with his cool fingers electrifying my whole body. He rolled, pressing me softly into the bed. His breath was fast, I could feel it against my neck. My head was full of the sweetness of his skin. I could taste him on my tongue. I tried to get back the connection between my brain and my body. My face felt so hot from his kisses. He was so impassioned like in the meadow. "Edward, what we are doing? I can't stop it," I gasped. The connection wasn't already there. My fingers were on his shirt. "Do you want to stop it, Bella?" he asked with a dirty grin in his voice, I've never heard so clear before. His fingers were under the top of my pajamas. I could hardly breathe. He was still kissing my neck. Suddenly I pulled his shirt over his head and threw it away. I could feel his bare chest on me. My hands moved on his bare back. My palms glowed. Now he was trying to pull off the top of my pajamas. "I want to stop it, but I can't. I'm too weak, Edward. We have to this in the right order." My mouth was on his and my hands moved on over his bare back to his jeans. "Please, stop Edward, please", I begged. "I love you so much, Bella. You've such a trust in my self-control. But right now it is really hard. I want you. Your body is telling something else than you're saying," he whispered in my ear. His breath was still fast. The butterflies were everywhere in my body. "I bet you won't be able to stand it until our marriage, Bella." He glanced at me, his eyes burning and his grin was dirty. I felt him on me. It was a nice feeling. I wanted more, but not yet. I shook my head. "I thought, you hate gambling," I grinned at him much dirtier. "I bet I will be able." I said convinced. He smiled and pushed himself away from me, rolling onto his back next to me. I twisted our hands together. We both took a deep breath. "Emmett and Jasper were infecting you with compulsive gambling. That's really bad and dangerous," I was kidding. Then I snuggled against his icy chest. His sweet scent was so strong. I was dizzy and could hardly speak. He palmed my hair. "I'm not sorry for this, Bella. I never could. I only need you to be happy. You know, we haven't to wait until our marriage. We can try it before," suddenly he said. I only shook slightly my head. He would understand. Edward wrapped his arms tightened around me and his cool lips were on my ear, whispering "I love you, Bella." I was so tiered. I fell asleep.


	2. Lost Bets

**_Disclaimer: I do not own the Twilight, New Moon, and Eclipse! _**

**_Enjoy the story and please review! _**

**_I've to know your verdict!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! _**

**2. Lost Bets**

The day started nice. Sun was shining and there were little clouds in the sky. Forks showed up from his most bearable side. Edward had left a short time before sunrise, something mumbling about car tuning with Rosalie more to himself than to me. I was glad I had some time alone for preparing myself to call Renée.

I went downstairs to the kitchen. Charlie sat at the table, smiling at me. "Morning, Bells." "Morning, Dad." I was grabbing a bowl from the cupboard, filling it with milk and cerealia. Charlie waited for me to say something, but I saw no need to discuss my already decided plans. So I sat down at the table silently and started to eat. Charlie looked at me. His eyes were searching for a sign of weakness at my face. He couldn't find what he was searching for. I was so sure of my decision. It was the right one. The only one that opened the gate to the way I desired to go.

"Billy called this morning again. Jacob wasn't coming home this night. His friends told Billy, it'll take time until he will show up again. Billy is worry about Jacob," Charlie reported. I looked at his face. "He has known about the wedding for several days. My decision in favor of Edward hurts him so much….." My voice broke off. I swallowed hard. My throat hurt. I pushed my breakfast away. "I love Edward. I can't life without him. What should I had done, Dad?" I felt tears rising. Charlie was silent, glancing pitifully at me. "Honey, you are quite sure of your decision, aren't you? You love that Cullen boy really although he had hurt you so much. I think there aren't many possibilities. But a wedding is a big think. You'll have responsibilities," Charlie tried to shake up me. But I was already awake. "Dad, you'll have also responsibilities, if you love somebody so much. I've responsibilities for Jake, too. That was never the point." "You thought about this quite well, honey. So I hope you will be happy with this decision. But don't forget about Jacob. Also a wife can have friends", he smiled at me. I nodded, wondering if I would be the first vampire who would support a deep friendship with a werewolf. For any reason I doubted it.

"What are you going to do today, Bella?" Charlie directed the conversation to another topic, I thought. "Doing the laundry, going to the grocery and maybe I'm going to visit the Cullen's house."

"What about Renée," Charlie suddenly asked.

"Have you already told her about your wedding?"

"No," I admitted. "That's a special point for today. I'll call her in about an hour. You know, they've rescheduling in Jacksonville," I advised Charlie.

"That's a good think, Bella. A mother has to know that her only daughter is getting married."

For a short moment there was silence. Then Charlie said, "I'm going to visit Billy this evening. He needs some support after the thing with Jacob. Do you want to accompany me?"

I hesitated. How much I wished I could see Jake, my friend, my sun. How much I wished to feel his warm hands on mine. But I would hurt him again. He wouldn't be able to forget about the fact I was going to married one of his naturally enemies in a few weeks and finally got transformed into one of them. He wouldn't be able to forget about this even for a very short moment.

I shook my head. "No, not today, Dad. I think the time isn't right. Maybe next week," I whispered, lying to Charlie and to me.

After calling Renée I tidied up my room and did the laundry. Like I had expected she was quiet shocked for the first moment. Then her enthusiasm got the upper hand. If there wasn't Alice, my private wedding planer, Renée would have done the whole organization - after that call, I was pretty sure of it. She pestered me with questions about details I had no idea because Alice was managing the whole production. At the end of our conversation she fought back her tears and was looking forward the wedding. Phil should have been recovered from his accident until August thirteenth. So both would come to Forks for the celebration. I was glad, I had acquired all this. So now there wasn't a need to talk about the wedding anymore and I tried to avoid the whole topic. Charlie had already left for work and Edward wouldn't show up until the late afternoon. Thus I plumped for making a trip to the grocery. I proposed to buy some food for the next days. Charlie was going to have dinner in La Push today. So I decided against cooking this evening.

I parked my truck in front of the grocery. The sun glared at me. I went to the entry and looked around. Inside the store I saw Mrs. Newton, Mike's mom. I wondered if I would be able to sneak past her without having a conversation. Alice has already sent out the wedding invitations and I thought Mike had gotten one. But I suspected the more I tried to be invisible the more I was able to fall down in front of her feet. My clumsiness was a curse. So I went straight on to her and tried to have a small talk, avoiding the wedding theme. "Hi, Mrs. Newton, nice to meet you," I said friendly. "Oh, good afternoon, Bella," she said when she caught sight of me. "How is Mike? I haven't seen him since graduation." I admitted casually. "He's fine. He prepares for college like the most of you," she reported. "And what about your store?" "We had a ton of business in the last time." She looked at me curiously. "If you like, Bella, you may help us again at Newton's for the next weeks until you'll leave for college." Mrs. Newton suggested. I thought about it a minute. Maybe the break was too long. Then she said, "Oh sure, you are going to get married to the youngest son of Dr. Cullen. Sorry, I forget about it. Mike told me. Congratulations, Bella," she smiled at me. "How was his name?" She asked, looking at the ring on my left hand. "Edward," I answered, suspecting to know how the conversation will end up. "Are you going to attend college nevertheless?" She demanded with inquisitive eyes on me. And there was it, the reason for I hated this whole wedding theme. I wasn't that girl and I would that never be. I swallowed hard, near the tears of horror and anger. "Yes, of course, I'm going to attend college. Both of us will attend college. Our marriage doesn't form an obstacle for a normal life," I gazed at her without understanding. Indeed, Edward's and my life would never be as normal as the life of two average humans. But it would never crop up like this, too. "Sure," she replied surprised. "So, are you willing to work this Saturday for Newton's?" She asked, doubting it. "Naturally," I returned smugly with a harsh tone in my voice. "Fine, then I'm going to see you on Saturday," she said, happy to take an advantage of our conversation.

Crap, I thought. Working in the last few weeks before my wedding wasn't really my intention. Although Alice managed the whole arrangements, there were some affairs I had to do on my own. But for not seeming to be that girl, I would do anything. I also would go in for extensive sports.

I would only be that girl - one time in my life - and that would be on my wedding day while I would try to talk at myself I would be fifteen years older at least. All other thoughts would make me run away.

I hasted to get my stuff in the grocery, paid it and rushed for my truck. There were lots of clouds in the sky now. It looked like rain. I started the engine and drove back to Charlie's house. My mind was still full of anger and embarrassment. I had known that would come. But I wasn't able to handle this. And that made me even angrier.

The roads showed up pretty empty. For one short moment I thought about driving to La Push. I would find somebody of the pack who could tell Jake I was there. I felt quite comfortable about that thought of being near by Jake. This was very selfish and I knew it. There were pain, anger and unease inside me. I needed my sun to relax and to let the bad feelings behind me. But my sun was only allowed to shine when I wanted it. And that wasn't right to do to Jake. He deserved a much better friend, a much better love.

I wondered if the need for Jake would vanish at that time I became a vampire. Maybe the blood thirst would manage that. This thirst would be stronger than every other need. I was quite sure about it. But wasn't it crazy to hope that one misery banished another. If I told Edward I was hoping for blood thirst to forget my need for Jake, he would send me to asylum. But maybe he would not. It was more likely he would try to persuade me that it would be wiser to choose Jake, if the need for him was so strong. I was grinning to myself for my absurd cogitations.

When I got to Charlie's house, I carried the stuff inside. It was late now and I was expecting Edward every minute. My desire for him was already unbearable. I wondered what he has done the whole day. I went upstairs to my room and looked out of the window. Thinking about what we had done last night, my body was reacting immediately. The butterflies were in every part of it.

I sat down on my chair and stared at the wall. My breath was fast and my heart was racing. I shook my head. This reaction was much stronger than I was accustomed thinking of Edward. My human hormone, like Edward called it, were a cruse. Physically, there was nothing else I wanted more than him - the sooner the better. Intellectually, I was trying to consider his point of view, although it was so old-fashioned. Indeed, he indicated me that I was off the hook. But I knew exactly he would prefer to sleep with me not until we got married. It was amazing he worried more about our virtues than about my safety at this point of discussion. Whereas my safety would be only at risk because of my facile vulnerable, human body and don't because of his desire for my blood. This issue he controlled more than perfect since we had been back from Italy. He was much more afraid he could injure or even kill me with a careless move. But I was confident this couldn't happen because he was able to control his body and his strength perfectly, too. I regretted betting against him I would stand it until our marriage. Now I wasn't really sure I would win. I didn't saw the gain to wait. Sure, I would do him a favor. But I was already going to marry him in a few weeks. Wasn't that doing favor enough? And what was he trying last night? Did he want distract me from my pain and the whole thing had gotten out of control – more precisely out of my control – or was that the next step and he demonstrated me my bad self-control? I really hoped I would be able to control my future thirst a hundred times better than my desire for him. But in this case the gain would be immense – my self-control would save lots of human lifes – that would be a great challenge. My personal aim was to beat Carlisle. No, not to beat him, because his self-control was more than perfect. Just to be on the same level. I looked up to Carlisle like Edward did. I've never told both of them.

My breath was clam again and I've come to a decision. If something like that last night would happen again, I wouldn't be the one who cared for stopping it. Never mind I would lose my bet. Suddenly there was a slight knock on the front door. I stood up and looked out of the window. Now I saw his silver Volvo, parking in Charlie's driveway. I wondered what else he could tune in or at this car. Everything seemed to be perfect by now. Maybe it wasn't his car they tuned the whole day. I stepped downstairs speedily and opened the door.

"Hey. I smiled at him. "How was your day?"

"Unfulfilled."

I nodded in agreement. "For me, as well."

He pulled me close to his chest, touching my wrists, and kissed my lips softly. I closed my eyes and tried to control the reaction of my body. He didn't need to know I was on the edge of losing my bet, even when he guessed it. I opened my eyes and he slipped into the house. Now I was registering a thick envelope, sticking in the pocket of his light brown leather jacket – my favorite one. "What's that," I asked curiously. He grabbed at the envelope, went to the kitchen table and put it down on it. "Find it out by yourself." He smiled. His whole face glowed of excitement. I hadn't a clue of what would come. I sat down at the table and opened the envelope. He was standing next to me. I read only a few words of the letter: _Accepted, University, Congratulation Miss Swan, Dartmouth._ I gazed at Edward, shaking my head. "You actually did it. I can't believe this. Why?" I was shocked. I knew he preferred to go to Dartmouth, but I had doubted he would really pay a bribe to get me in.

"It was the best alternative of the other colleges. You know, Dartmouth offered even courses at night and the forest is pretty near. Alice and Jasper are also accepted. They probably decide to go there. So I thought you want to have the choice. Now you can choose between Alaska and Dartmouth, love. I will go there, where you will decide to go", he smiled his crocked smile and tried to look as innocent as possible. And this really worked on me.

"How much was the bribe?" I asked.

He eyed the kitchen, ignoring my question.

"How much, Edward?" I tried again.

"You promised you will let me pay for Dartmouth and even won't complain about the bribe to get you in. This was part of the deal, remember Bella." He smiled, trying to dazzle me with his golden eyes and his beautiful face.

"You forget about, I'm off the hook," I glazed at him. This fight he'll lose. "So do you spend your money on a whole new library? I guess because of your reaction a wing wasn't enough in this case," I said reproachfully.

"No, not exactly. It wasn't a library, but a new indoor swimming pool," he grinned at me.

"A what?" I looked with wide eyes at him, too shocked to say anything more.

"A new indoor swimming pool," he repeated. "It's quite nice and we can use it by night. They also send you a key with your acceptance," he smiled, showing up a small key.

"The new Cullen indoor swimming pool," I spluttered bewildered and suppressed a little laughter. It was too obscure.

"No, that's hardly right. It wasn't correctly me who spent the money to Dartmouth. In the strict sense it was you. So it's the new Swan indoor swimming pool." He chuckled, waiting for my reaction. I was wrong. He won this fight.

I looked at him stunned and speechless. After a long moment I found my voice again. "No, Edward, no. That's against my personal rules," I advised him.

"You have personal rules?" Edward asked and seemed to be very surprised and curious.

"Not many, but this broke one of that," I explained still stunned.

"Come on, Bella, the money has helped people. It was right to spend it. And as a nice side effect you are accepted at Dartmouth. Please, be good, Bella, please. I love you," he begged.

He was sitting on the chair next to me now, opening his arms. I couldn't withstand. I sat on his lap, nestling into his cool embrace.

"But couldn't you spend the money anonym?" I asked, investigating his face.

"No, that wasn't possible in this case. They needed your name to know who was going to be accepted as a reward. Furthermore in my opinion Swan is more beautiful and goes better with an indoor swimming pool than Cullen." He chuckled. Then he grabbed my face with his cool hands and kissed me softly. At this moment my anger began to fade. I took a deep breath of the sweetness of his skin to steady myself. "The new Swan indoor swimming pool in Dartmouth," I said, shaking my head kiddingly.

'What we are going to do this evening?" I asked, not having a good mind to discuss anything anymore. "Well, what do you prefer to do this evening, love?" Edward asked with a huge smile and palmed my back gently. He was happy I stopped the discussion about choosing a college, seeming to be agreeable with Dartmouth. "I'm thinking about visiting your home. I've nothing heard from Alice for a whole day. Is she still alive?" I was joking. "Yes, but she isn't really accessible. She is too busy with the wedding production. But she is having a lot of fun." He chuckled. "So let's go. Esme will be happy to see you."

It was a quick drive. Edward was still glad about the in his opinion positive outcome of our discussion. "I haven't said yes," I advised him softly. "But you also haven't said no in the final stage of our talk. And that's really positive for you. So everything is still possible," he smiled. "You're such an optimist," I chuckled. He knew exactly in most of the cases it was him who had won at the end and I suspected this was again such a case. But I preferred to keep him on tenterhooks for a while before I said yes. That was the reward to him for the Swan indoor swimming pool that I couldn't still believe. I hoped Alice wouldn't smash up my little revenge. But I doubted it because I've already made my decision.

The Volvo was now on the Cullen's driveway. The white house appeared still so beautiful and regal like on the day of my first visit. I felt like at home. It was a feeling of safety, confidence and love. I loved every member of the Cullen's family, sure especially Edward. For him I felt more than only love. He was the oxygen I still needed to survive. But even for Rosalie there have been strong feelings inside me since our last one and only conversation. It wasn't already love, but more solidarity.

I thought about my future. One day, maybe in eighty years I would come back to Forks. I would arrive at this driveway in a fast car with a decent color Edward had chosen and bought for me. I would get out of it and slip into the white house. It would be more than normal I lived here because at that day I would be for a long time a full member of the family. I would be a vampire and Edward's wife for about eighty years. Edward would kiss me softly on my lips when I met him in the great hall. Yes, that was it what I really want. My heartbeat was picking up speed. When I came back of thoughts still agitated, Edward opened the passenger door. He looked at me irritated. "Nothing. I'm only happy," I said. And that wasn't a lie.

We went up the stairs to the front door. Edward opened it and I got inside behind him. Carlisle was sitting on the big white sofa in front of a new huge, very flat TV that hung on the wall. Since Edward has smashed up the old one Emmett was betting against Jasper all the time how long the new flat screen would survive, although Emmett was very angry with Edward because the old one was a special import from Japan. Carlisle wasn't watching TV. He was reading a thick book. "Hello, Bella. How are you?" he asked, smiling at me. Err, thanks, I'm still fine," I muttered, grinning at him. My broken arm was almost recovered, but I still had to take care of it. We sat down next to him and started watching TV. It was a real highlight for me. The flat TV was amazing. It was like in the cinema. "Where are the others?" I asked disappointed. "Esme and Alice are shopping wedding stuff in Port Angles. It was a current decision. They left a short time after Edward had driven to you. Jasper and Emmet are hunting, but they will be back soon. And Rose has been tuning…," Carlisle broke off. Edward gave him a look as he tried to remind him of something. "…a car in the garage since the early morning," Carlisle continued.

Suddenly Edward stood up form the white sofa. "What is it?" I asked surprised. "Rosalie needs my support. She's such a great car tuner, but coming to a decision isn't really her talent." He rolled his eyes and chuckled. "I'll be back in a minute." Carlisle nodded, grinning at Edward. Then he disappeared. I glanced at Carlisle, glad I've gotten a chance after a long time to talk to him alone again.

"Are you looking forward to our complex wedding production?" I smiled innocently at him. "You know I'm a bit older than Edward. I prefer clearly this one to a short trip to Vegas," he smiled back, showing me he knew exactly about our discussed possibilities of getting married. "Edward is really happy about your decision on a traditional wedding. He would never admit to you before the wedding day because he'll give you the possibility to get back to the Vegas option." Carlisle looked at me now seriously. "I know that and this was one of the reasons I've made my decision in this way. It was hard for me to agree about this early wedding. I'm born at the end of the twentieth century. People get married after they are thirty or older but not before college," I stared at Carlisle. "But then I thought about time. And time means to humans something else than to….," I looked deeply into Carlisle's eyes and swallowed. After all the time the word made me still shiver when I had to speak it out loud. Carlisle smiled softly, he also knew about my little problem with that word. "… vampires. I believe it won't be important if I get married now or in fifteen years. For a vampire, it doesn't matter. It's almost the same time. Only my human time feeling put me at unease," I continued. "You are grown up, Bella. I'm so proud of you like a father. I love you like my own daughter. You are a real enrichment for our family," Carlisle said with an almost ceremonial voice. I felt tears rising. "I love you, too. And I'm glad to get the chance to be a part of your amazing family." Carlisle touched my shoulder with his cool hand. "We are all looking forward the wedding. We love great celebrations, especially Alice," he chuckled. And at this point I was really glad Alice forced me in a way to have a complex wedding. They deserved it absolutely. But I also owe this Charlie and Renée. They have always supported me in each way they could. And so the day had come I lost my first bet against Alice, I grinned at myself. Probably she has already known. I thought "thank you" and smiled.

"Ah, my sons are coming back and they are in very good mood", Carlisle chuckled again. I looked up and saw Emmett and Jasper, slighting into the living room. "Hi, Bella, are you fine?" Emmett and Jasper grinned at me. "Hi, yes, of course," I smiled. At this moment Rosalie appeared next to Emmett. "Edward is so stubborn," she argued. "Now he is trying something on his own I've already told him this noon that is impossible. It won't work." She rolled her eyes. "Edward is a specialist to implement things others had told him that were impossible," Emmett looked at me with a huge smile. I blushed and smiled back. "So, whose car you are tuning the whole day? I demanded, looking at Rosalie. She glanced at me with wide eyes. Then she said quickly, "Emmett's". Emmett looked up, "Yeah, I'm getting a red cow on my engine hood." "A red cow?" I asked bewildered. "Is this really cool?" Everybody tried to suppress a big laughter. I didn't understand their reactions. This whole tuning story was strange.

When Edward had gotten back, we played cards with Emmett and Jasper. They had no chance to win a single game. Edward was grim. All the time his two brothers made indirectnesses I wasn't able to understand. Edward rolled his eyes and hissed "Shut up!" or "Stop it, it's enough!" After a while Edward was really pissed off. He shook his head and grabbed my hand. Then we left.

"They are unbelievable," Edward blustered, slipping into his car. When I also got in, I looked at him curiously. He stared the Volvo and we drove away. "What were they talking about all this evening?" I asked. "It was less what they were talking about, but more what they were thinking of," Edward said still angry, smiling at me. "So please, tell me. I don't understand anything," I begged. Edward looked at me for a short moment. Then he touched my hand with his cool fingertips. "You will learn there isn't much privacy in my family. And sometimes my brothers carry this to an excess. Alice let something slip out about us when she was talking to Jasper. It wasn't really her intention. She already said sorry for that. But Jasper couldn't manage to keep it private. He told Emmett. And you know they both love gambling," he glanced at my face. "They bet if we will stand it until our marriage or not. And this bet was the most innocent they did," Edward said disgustedly. I was blushing right now. Edward smiled. "You are so beautiful by the time you blush, love," he said with his velvet voice and brushed gently my cheek with his icy fingertips. "What did Alice see about us?" I demanded embarrassedly. "Shouldn't I ask you that?" Edward said with a dirty grin on his beautiful face. His golden eyes looked into mine. "Why?" I gasped. "Because you came to a decision on your right order," he whispered loud enough I could hear. His cool hand was on my leg now. I was breathless. My body felt hot and I wasn't able to control my reactions. "Your heart is fluttering, love. Do you like to make a trip to the wood? The sky is clear and you can see the stars," Edward said almost alluringly. I glared at the sky and was surprised. He was right. The sky was really clear and I could see the stars. I wondered if Alice had exactly seen this.

"Yes, I do," I answered confidently. He smiled at me again. Now I was sure Alice had precisely seen this.

The shiny Volvo arrived at the edge of the wood. Edward opened the passenger door, glancing at my face. He scooped me up in his strong, icy arms and kissed my forehead. I looked into his golden topaz eyes. They were burning in the night. His mouth was on my lips. Suddenly he started to run. I didn't actually realize because I was still caught by his eyes. Then Edward stopped. I recognized our meadow. Sure, where else should it happen? He laid me gently into the cool grass and I looked into the sky. "The stars are so beautiful. This night is amazing," I whispered. He stared at my face. "You are more beautiful, love. That's our night," he whispered back. I smiled at him. "Edward, are really sure you want to do that by now?" "I'm sure I want to make you happy," he glanced at me. The moonlight was reflecting on his beautiful, pale skin. It was hard for me to have a conversation. I took his answer as a "yes", because there wasn't any motivation inside me to discuss "the right order" again. I wanted him and now I wasn't able to suppress that anymore. "But are you sure, Bella, you want to share this special moment with me," he asked innocently.

I locked my arms around his neck, not able to speak, and kissed his cool lips devotedly, pushing myself tighter to him. He kissed me back. This kiss was different from the others he ever had given to me. It was so strong on an edge I hardly could think. There was so much tension inside I was pretty sure he wanted me as bad as I wanted him. I rolled and wrapped my legs around his waist, sitting on his lap His hands slighted from my face over my chest to my waist, straining me closer to him. I pulled his shirt over his head and my hands drifted from his awesome shoulders over his back to his jeans. I felt his cool skin against mine. "I love you so much, Edward," I gasped. His mouth moved from my lips to my jaw and his breath was so fast; I could strongly feel it against my skin. My head was dizzy. I could hardy breathe. "Are you really sure you want to do this with me," he asked breathlessly. I nodded and my hand opened his belt. Now he got with his icy fingers throw the buttons of my blouse. It was the first time he did this, I was thrilled. For a short moment my breath stopped. My blood was sputtering to my head and my blood heat rose enormously. He didn't stop kissing me. There weren't anymore safety rules. We had broken every single rule by now. I slipped off my blouse, kissing his cool, pale chest. His icy hands were on my bra touching my overheated skin. I was near to faint, gripping his strong arms. Suddenly he wrapped his arms tightened around me and his cool lips were on my ear, "I love you, Isabella, you are the reason of my existence," he whispered heavily breathing. A second later we were lying in the grass. Edward was onto me, pressing me softly on the ground. He was so closed to me like never before. I was lost in the feeling of him, breathing in the sweetness of whole body. I could taste him, I could feel him, I could smell him, I could see him and I heard his fast breath. He loved me. That was a feeling I've never felt before. I was his. I gave me up to him. I trusted him. He was the man I would love for the rest of my existence.


	3. Smiling

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**3. Smiling**

The next days passed very quickly to me. My body felt indescribable effortless. I smiled all the time and I wasn't able to stop that for several days. Everything seemed to be easy. Even working at Newton's on Saturday was exceptional agreeable. Although knowing about my early marriage, Mike was happy to see me, avoiding the whole wedding theme. We had a lot of fun, messing around, and there were a ton of business. So the time elapsed very fast. Mrs. Newton took an advantage of my good mood and hammered out my support in the store for the next weeks. I wasn't able to say no because the fun I've had the whole day was too much for refusing working at Newton's anymore. Also Mike was glad about my decision. So at the end of business he said with a huge smile on his face, "See you then on Wednesday, Bella." "Yeah, see you. Bye Mike," I answered, smiling at him and opening the door.

When I got out of Newton's the silver Volvo was parking across the street. I hurried to slip into the car, still smiling. "Hey," I said, looking at Edward. He kissed me on my lips, touching my face with his cool, fond fingers. "How was your day, love?" he asked affectionately. "I had a lot of fun. Mike and I messed around all the time. Work was very nice today," I grinned at him. "Newton braced himself quite well. I guess because of that stress he was sweating all the time," Edward chuckled cattily. "Was it so hard for him?" "He had to promise his mother avoiding arguing with you about the wedding. She reported him on your reaction in the grocery. She doesn't intend to scare you off," he smiled at me with his perfect face. Then he started driving. I was a bit embarrassed Edward knew about the incident in the grocery but not surprised. So I tried to find something that distracted him from this topic. I put the tip of my forefinger on his right thigh, sliding to his knee and back. It was more a need to touch him than an attempt of distraction. Edward glanced at my finger, then at my face. His dark black eyes gave me a curious look. "What are you trying, Bella?" he asked suspiciously. "Nothing," I responded, smiling innocently at him. There was a small feeling of being caught inside me; my heartbeat was unexpectedly picking up speed. "Nothing," Edward repeated amused. My finger was still on his thigh. He decided to give me a tit-for-tat response. "Have you already thought about the courses you'll choose at Dartmouth?" he asked provokingly. I glared at him and felt a bit angry, but I wasn't able to show this emotion on my face. There was still a little smile I couldn't stop. "Alice," I mumbled to myself, shaking my head, though I was surprised it had taken comparatively long until Edward confronted me with my decision to go to Dartmouth. I gave him a quick unfriendly "Sure," pulling my finger back to me. Certainly Edward clutched my backtracking hand softly but so fast I was scared for a very short moment. He pulled it to his mouth and kissed the back of my hand with his cool lips so endearingly I was shivering. "I'm glad you decided to go to Dartmouth, love," he smiled at me. "And I'm also glad you finally admit to your decision," he chuckled. After a while we arrived at Charlie's house. I was still smiling. My body remembered every single touch and feeling Edward did and caused in our night. I wasn't walking; I was floating into the house.

Edward followed my moves with his eyes. "I can't honestly believe how happy you're since our shared night, sweetheart. You have been smiling for days now, even when you had gotten angry. That's quite cute," he chuckled. I looked at him, blushing and feeling helpless. Then his eyes grew very soft and he kissed kindly my forehead. The physical relationship between Edward and me has changed in a quite nice way. There weren't anymore so many rules. Sure, I still had to take care of his sharp, white blinking teeth while I was kissing him, but this was the only point I had to pay attention to. In the last few days he touched me particular often with cool fingers and brushed my skin gently. Edward seemed to enjoy the new way of familiarity, though he also seemed to be amazed at his own behavior and sometimes even afraid of it. "I think, I'm going to choose courses in biological science or microbiology," I tried to get back to the former topic. "That sounds interesting, Bella," Edward confirmed me, looking out of the kitchen window suddenly thoughtfully. After a long moment of silence he said, "I'm glad you've already made serious plans for your nearer future. That's a good sign."

"A good sign of what?" I asked bewildered.

"For the next two years of your humanity," he responded, grinning at me.

"Oh no, Edward, I thought, we've already been through this. I'm going to spend one year at Dartmouth."

"Edward looked at me," One and a half," he pleaded.

"No, exact one. And then I'm going to start my new life."

"You're going to lose your life, Bella. And you're going to be isolated for the following two years at least, I guess," Edward informed me harshly.

I ignored that. "Are we going to stay near Dartmouth or will we move to Alaska at this time?" I asked, glancing at him curiously.

"Alice found a nice house on the edge of the wood near Dartmouth. There's nothing else than wood around. I think it's a possibility for staying in this time. But I'm not really sure at the moment," he considered again thoughtfully.

I sat down in front of the TV and switched it on. I thought about Charlie, staring at the news. He wasn't at home this evening again. Like the most of the last days he was in La Push, supporting Billy and distracting him from his worry about Jack A few nights ago he had told me Jake still hadn't came home. Instead of this he was searching a part-time job in any city around Forks for the rest of the summer. At that point of our conversation I thought about talking to Sam. There was a strong need inside me to know exactly were Jake was. I wanted to track him and tell him how important he was to me. I wanted to bring him back to his father and the pack he belonged to. But in the first line I wanted to know him save, not being in any big city, hiding from his own pain. Still thinking about this plan I glanced at Edward. "What's on the agenda for the next days?" I asked, hoping to find a way I could realize my plan without involving Edward. He placed himself gracefully next to me, tightening his cool arm around my waist and pulling me near to him. I laid my head on his lap, breathing in the sweet scent of his skin. He stroked my hair gently. "Alice mentioned something about making a trip to Seattle. What do you think about that, sweetheart?" he asked in a low perfect voice. "Seattle. That sounds nice. I think that will be an enjoyable trip. When did she suggest going there?"

"Monday. Maybe Emmett will join us. He's searching for new CDs."

A trip to Seattle sounded like a very good idea. Since I've been to Forks there wasn't any chance for me of visiting Seattle. Either in the past the sun had shone or several manic newborn vampires had occupied the town in favor to kill me. So now it seemed to be a good opportunity to go there until something else would show up and prevent my visit.

"On Monday then," I nodded in agreement.


	4. Seattle

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**4. Seattle**

When I did wake up, I wasn't sure, if I really did or I was still dreaming. I felt a cool finger, stroking from the edge of my mouth over my chin and my throat to my chest and finally stopping on my waist. I shivered, breathing in a delicious scent of sweetness. Opening my eyes, I looked at Edward's perfect, beautiful face. He was so gorgeous. After all the time there have been still moments like that, I could hardly believe he was real. "Good morning, love," Edward smiled at me, brushing fondly my cheek with his icy fingers. I smiled back, still too tired for saying anything. My room showed up gloomy. It was a rainy day. The clouds had won the fight against the sun once more. On the Olympic Peninsula this has never been a fair fight. The clouds have always held the majority. In other words, it was a perfect day for a shopping trip to Seattle like Alice had predicted a few days before. I stretched out my arms and legs, poking out accidentally my right leg of my blanket. The coldness scrambled up to it and I trembled. For August the temperature was too low, it was more adequate to a day in October. Suddenly Edward's melodic voice distracted me from my senses.

"How did you sleep, my beauty," he asked, glancing at my face. My head was dizzy and my limbs hurt. I felt like a truck had run over me.

"I slept well," I lied with a husky voice, reaching for his cool hand. I didn't want to lose my chance of visiting Seattle. A cold was the recent restriction I could need now.

"You're such a bad liar," Edward chuckled, wrapping the blanket tightened around me, isolating my body from his. I hated this every single time he did for getting my body warm.

"You look awful, sweetheart. You've got a cold over night and you've a temperature. I think, it is better, you'll stay in bed today," he advised me, palming my hair.

"No," I protested. "Give me some time and I'll be fine. After a hot shower and some cold medication there'll be no reason for not going to Seattle today," I smiled at him weakly.

"We will see," he countered.

"Please," I begged.

"We can put the trip off. That's no problem, Bella," he smiled, trying to convince me. Suddenly there was a vibration in Edward's pocket. He switched out his tiny, silver cell phone. We won't see, but Alice has already seen, I corrected his sentence in my thoughts. Like he was reading my mind, he glanced at me, "We'll go tomorrow. Get well soon from Alice," he said, after switching off his phone. At this moment I started sneezing for several times and my body was shaking from coldness.

Edward cared for me overall. He called Charlie at the station, reporting to him I had to stay in bed for the whole day. He brought me cups of hot tea and kept company with me all the time. He was so lovely. I couldn't believe there has ever been a time in my short life, I had been happy without him.

In the evening my physical strength allowed me to take a shower. The hot water brushed against my body and the warmth, failing for hours, returned in my limps. After a long time enjoying the shower, I toweled and got dressed. A quick glance in the mirror told me my hair was entirely impossible, so I pulled it back into a ponytail. Then I went upstairs. Edward was waiting in the kitchen, glaring at the newspaper. "Again any mystical murders in Seattle?" I asked in a snappish way. "No, but in Boston, Massachusetts, near Dartmouth," Edward responded naturally as if there was nothing else to expect. I stopped shocked beside him. "That's a joke, isn't it? That's not funny, Edward," I reproved him.

He looked at me with an anxious expression on his face. "We've to watch this. I can err."

"What had happened there?" I asked. But honestly, I didn't want to know that. My stomach twisted and suddenly my body felt weak again.

"Several people vanished without a trace. And that always happened at night time," he instructed me.

"How many?" I was gripping the edge of the table now. There was a black hole in front of my eyes and the room was spinning. Sweat came on my forehead and fear got the upper hand. My hands were slightly shaking. Abruptly Edward was beside me and I felt his arm tightened around my waist. He pulled me on his lap and pressed my body against his chest, waiting for a comeback of my shock. After a moment of strong sickness, I twisted and looked into his dark black eyes, being horrified.

"Fifteen," he answered involuntarily.

Then my sickness restarted. "That's a déjà vu," I sobbed. "My time is up. That will never end until I will get converted. And also then I'm not really sure if this will come to an end. I'm damned," I moaned.

"Bella, we are talking about fifteen people over the last half year. That pointed at one at most at two of them, staying to long at the same place. They'll push along until September. And after that newspaper's report, I'm quite sure they will," he tried to comfort me.

I glared at him, not able to say anything.

He padded my hair. "You're only a danger magnet. You're not damned, sweetheart," Edward teased.

"That's not funny, Edward. What would be, if they decided to go to college? They are certainly looking forward to be friends with me in their own special way," I said sarcastically.

Edward glared at me thoughtfully. "Alice would see that. But if there still show up problems, we'll chance college; we'll go to Alaska. So don't worry, love." Edward kissed my hot cheek.

Then I stood up and paced around the kitchen, trying to displace this horrifying information about my prospective college. It took me a long time, but I was successful. Suddenly I felt at ease.

I gripped the rest of the pizza Charlie had brought yesterday and sat down at the table, glaring at Edward and investigating his beautiful face with my tired eyes. "You look thirsty," came suddenly over my lips. He glanced surprised at me. There were dark purple, bruise-like shadows under his eyes. He seemed to be more tired and sick than me. For days Edward was suffering from thirst, but he didn't want to leave me. He retarded hunting as long as possible. I didn't understand why he bothered himself so much. I hated Edward was suffering. And I hated even more he was suffering because of me. Edward nodded, "On Friday Carlisle, Jasper, Emmett and I will leave for a weekend trip. We'll go to a hunting ground near Alaska." This would have been the last weekend before we would turn into wife and husband, I thought, slightly shivering. I was scared of this fact. Time has passed so quickly I still wasn't able to understand properly what happened to me.

"That's sounds like a stag night. Only the guys and you," I was kidding.

He nodded again. "That's one," he grinned at me.

"You hold a stag night while you all were hunting?" I asked a bit shocked, imagining a blood debauch.

"Sort of," he commented, again glaring at the newspaper thoughtfully.

And that seemed to be the only explanation for this stag night, he was willing to give. After eating the pizza I felt much stronger. Life returned slowly to my body. I stood up and touched Edward's shoulders, standing behind him and looking at the newspaper, still displacing my knowledge. He gripped softly my wrists with his cool, endearing hands and pulled me on his lap again. I realized pleased this was exact what I wanted. His hands stroked over my spine. I pressed my face against his cold, hard chest and breathed in his sweet scent. It wasn't my intention to bother him more than necessary because of my closed presence but the need for him was so much stronger than my regard. I was surprised of my own behavior. It was pretty selfish and a new side I discovered at me. "I hope that's the last disease I get until I'll….," my voice broke off. I groaned, touching my head. The headache was starting again. Edward fixed me sadly with his deep black eyes. He knew exactly, what I was going to say until my head started spinning. "You'll return better to your bed, if you want to be fine tomorrow and able to visit Seattle, Bella," Edward advised me seriously. I ignored him, still suffering from my headache.

"What are you feeling right now?" I asked hesitantly after a while.

"I love you," he said, watching my face, and his dark eyes grew very soft.

"No, I mean, is it pain?"

Edward looked at me bewildered, not understanding what I was speaking of.

I decided to specify, what I wanted to know. "What is thirst like? To what is it comparable?

Now he understood what about I was talking and his eyes fixed me seriously.

"Bella, I don't think you want to know this. I'm pretty sure you will find out that soon enough."

"But I do want to be prepared for what will come. I've already known the sort of pain that will come while I will get converted. So now I do want to understand the need I will feel when I will belong to your kind." I chose my words aware of their effect. And they didn't fail.

Edward took a deep breath and closed his eyes. He seemed to be very concentrated. Then he spoke with a clam voice and a nauseated expression on his gorgeous face. "The thirst burns through your throat like fire. Your mouth is baked and desiccated. Your stomach twists with hunger that is a result of the thirst. Your jaw tenses like the muscles of your whole body. There's no escape. In the worst case, there is no image violent enough to encapsulate the force of what happened to you. You catch a scent and that drives you insane. You could barely think through this scent and you struggle with self-control all the time. In that instant, you are nothing close to the human you had once been. You're a predator, reaching for your prey. There's no denying what you are. There's nothing else in the world but that truth. The only range between that what you are and that what you nauseate to the core is your self-control, getting weaker ever second your prey is near by you."

His eyes were still closed. I swallowed hard. I was so perplexed because of his honesty that I hadn't expected. He'd described his thirst so detailed I was able to feel the force. I shivered and my mouth was dry. "Is that what you felt when we met first?" I asked sheepishly. He opened his eyes and nodded, looking ashamed at my face. "I'm a monster, Bella. Are you really sure, you want to be such a monster?" He asked. I could hear the sadness in his melodic, wonderful voice. He'd been right; I hadn't wanted to know this. There seemed to be no possibility for preparing. It was only practicing for years that could help to handle this force. Now I was pretty sure of that. "You're not a monster. I'm still alive. That's proof enough," I advised him with a strong feeling of respect. "And I'll make you responsible for to eliminate me with a motor saw, if I turn into such a monster without self-control and conscience," I chuckled, trying to bear down the tense atmosphere. "Oh, you prefer a motor saw. In my case I always choose an ax, but my brothers had refused to act all the time I'd been asking for," Edward said seriously, waiting for my reaction. I wasn't sure, if he was kidding or continuing with his honesty. So I looked at his face with wide eyes, knowing exactly he'd tried to die in the past not only once. Then he laughed, guessing my thoughts. "That was a joke, Bella," he put me at ease, stroking a strain of my hair behind my ear. "But now it's really time for you to go to bed," he smiled, lifting me on his strong, pale arms. Then he got me upstairs to my room.

Tuesday, eleven days till the wedding. The count down was running and my fear was rising. I felt a chronic sickness, dispreading in my stomach, although my cold had got much better. Two hours ago Alice had called and given instructions about our Seattle trip. She was going to search for blue and silver, silky ribbons for the wedding decoration. But she also had promised there would be no strong confrontation with the wedding theme for me. So I was looking forward to the trip again and felt at ease. Alice knew exactly about my aversion to that theme and she'd given me the promise not to tell Edward about my feelings concerning the wedding. But it wasn't really necessary to tell him about such things. Sooner or later he would read this in your mind. Thank goodness, not in my mind, but that didn't make thinks better. Thus I wasn't sure, if he already knew about my rising aversion to our wedding. I didn't want to hurt him, but I was a victim of my human time feeling.

My mind has still been occupied with the force Edward had described so detailed last night. I tried to find something comparable in my human life, but I wasn't addicted anything. The only exception I was addicted was Edward. But the last and only time he'd left me, I'd felt physical pain. This pain had hurt so much that there had been any reactions impossible. I had been suffering from his absence but I hadn't been reaching for him. That way didn't seem to offer comparability to the force of thirst.

A slight knock on the front door gave me my coven for Seattle had arrived. I opened the door, gripping my coat. "Hey, are you ready," Edward brushed gently my cheek with his icy knuckles. I nodded, forcing my mind to stop searching for comparable feelings at least for the next few hours. I shut the door and paused on the porch. There was it again; Emmett's immense, big monster Jeep. I was looking curiously at its engine hood. But my eyes didn't find what they were searching for. Red on red – that didn't make sense. They fooled me; but why? Emmett and Alice were waving from behind the windshield. I waved back. Emmett was on the driver's side. The last time I got inside that shiny red Jeep was when James had decided to hunt me. The tires were still higher then my waist and the four large spotlights enlightened the gloomy day like sun was shining. The engine roared. Edward had lifted me easily to the back seats before he followed, closing the door. "Hallo everybody," I breathed. Then Emmett started driving. "So, what about the…," I paused, making sure I caught their attention. "….red cow?" I asked innocently. Edward looked at me confused for a second. "Yes, what about that, Emmett," Edward said in a teasing but reproachful way, grinning at his favorite brother. "Oh, that didn't look cool. Rose is working out a templet for a new image," he explained, trying to sound more seriously than he used to be. That made me ever more skeptical. But I decided to wait and to watch this "Red Cow" until I would find out what it was standing for. Edward distracted me from this topic. He pressed his cool lips to the hollow under my ear. Then he whispered, "How are you today?" "Fine, thanks," I muttered, inhaling deeply the sweet scent of his skin.

Alice was so excited. She dithered on her seat, giving us a full account about the progress of the wedding arrangements. That sounded strange to me, like she was talking about the wedding of a closed friend but not of my own one. Edward squeezed my right hand, guessing how I was feeling. I gave him an apologizing look. He padded softly my hair and pulled me closer to his side. "What are the others doing today? Why didn't they join us?" I tried to lead the conversation to a new direction, fixing Alice seriously with my eyes. But she was too involved in the whole wedding theme she didn't realized she was getting on my nerves. Suddenly Emmett saved me, answering my questions. "Carlisle is working at the hospital today and Esme get involved with a social project in Forks. They collected clothes and money to spend that on people in need. Jasper supports her." Emmett stopped his report. "And Rosalie, what is she doing today?" I pressed. And there was it again. The typical short silence by the time the Cullens tried to hide something from me. A foreigner wouldn't realize that. But I knew better. Before anybody could answer, I'd said, "No circumstances. I guess she is working with the Red Cow. And I hope she is having a lot of fun because she is going to miss a really enjoyable day." I laughed, shaking my head. Three pairs of surprised eyes looked at me. I shrugged and glanced back innocently. Emmett broke out in a big laughter. He could barely hold himself. "She's a real Cullen by now, isn't she?" He snorted with laughter. Edward rolled his eyes. "I told you," Alice advised him. "She found out on her own what we are in a considerable time. I bet finding out what the Red Cow is like, will take her - let me think about it - three more days. Who accept this bet?" Emmett asked excited. "Stop betting!" Edward frowned. Emmett switched out his cell phone. "You can call Jasper later after we've arrived. So we'll get around your betting stuff," Edward glared at Emmett, shaking his head disapprovingly. Emmett pushed the phone back in his pocket. I glanced at Edward with curious eyes. "You aren't going to tell me the truth, are you?" "No, not yet", he said quickly. "Why not?" I asked with a soft voice, looking deeply into his dark eyes. "Stop it, Bella, you're a tiny monster. It's a surprise," he struggled. Alice and Emmett laughed. "When will you tell me?" I asked in the same lovely way. Edward looked away and gave me a quick "Soon." "What about your self-control," I teased, grinning at him. He glanced at me, "What happen to you. You are such a tiny, lovely monster. I'm not going to tell you anything until the right time. So there's no need for you to try it anymore." Edward blamed. I smiled, pressing my lips on his. He kissed me back and pulled me closer to him. "Hey, hey," Emmett groaned. "Not until we've arrived. Let us a chance to get around it," he laughed again. This time we joined in.

Seattle was lovelier than Phoenix and less rainy than Forks. There were lots of stores, cafés and restaurants. The sky was cloudy, but it didn't rain. After a first impression we got separated. Alice decided to make a trip on her own. On the one hand she wanted to do me a favor, but in the other hand she was very afraid it would take too long and it would be impossible to mange her program she'd resolved before, if we all stayed together. I was glad and gave her a big hug, whispering in her ear, "Thank you so much for your efforts, Alice. You do such a great job. You know, I love you like my own sister." She kissed my cheek. "That's alright, Bella. I love you, too, "she said. Then she vanished in the crowd.

So there were only two points on the agenda for today. A music and a book store. That seemed to be manageable. Emmett, Edward and I messed around all the time. Emmett tried to convince me to join in his betting passion, teasing me with indirectnesses. Edward saved me. And my brother-in-law-to-be groaned disappointed. First we arrived at a music store. Emmett and Edward enjoyed the whole offer of the store. Edward loved music. He was listening to several CDs and bought a lot of them. I didn't know how many CDs he already owned. Now he owned fourteen more. Emmett was a bit more moderate than Edward. At the end he bought two CDs less than his brother.

I was looking forward to the book store. It was a long time ago since I've got a chance to visit a good book store. Such a visit meant a lot to me. It was a special, private event. I loved the scent of the books and the silent atmosphere. It gave me a feeling of freedom and peace. Good book stores always invited to reflect on your day or on things you put off. Normally I did prefer to go there on my own. My companion would only be bored to death. I was able to spend there hours in silent, enjoying the offer of new books. I had warned Edward, but he insisted to accompany me. Emmett had decided to buy a present for Rosalie, so he went to a jeweler across the street. As we entered the book store the atmosphere took possession of me. I slid silently throw the shelves, breathing in the exquisite scent of new books. Edward glanced at me curiously. He was looking for a new exemplar of _Wuthering Heights_ because my old one was dissolving in his single components. I started my search for a new book Angela had advised me to read. I tried to remember the title. After a minute it came to my mind: _"A Certain Slant of Light"_. That ought to be a great love story. I was pretty excited when I got an exemplar in my hands, reading the backside of the book. I decided to buy it. The story sounded interesting.

About an hour later Edward appeared in front of me. He was holding a new special exemplar of _Wuthering Heights _in his pale, right hand. "Are you ready, Bella?" he asked and gave me an appreciative look, pulling softly my ponytail. I nodded, still enjoying the silent atmosphere. He gripped the three books I'd chose and went for paying them. When Edward returned he was carrying a bag. "Emmett called. He is waiting in a small café across the street. We'll also meet there Alice in about an hour. Let's have a break," he smiled at me. I nodded again in agreement and we left for the café.

The day had been so enjoyable and normal I forgot about who we were and what differed us from the other people around. Well, what differed my companions from the other people around. But I belonged to that coven now and soon to the same kind. There was already a stronger feeling of belonging to the Cullens inside me than of belonging to the human kind.

As we arrived at the café Emmett was sitting behind a big window, waving to us. We entered and joined his table. He pushed his soda to my side with a huge grin on his face. "Did you find a present for Rosalie?" I asked casually. The waiter was standing next to me. I ordered a chocolate-raspberry muffin and Edward chose a soda, "Yes, I bought for her a new pearl necklet. Her old one looks terrible. And she does such a great job on the Red Cow. So I think, she's worthy of an award," Emmett grinned at me. Edward gave him an angry look. I ignored them, eyeing the small café. There were only a few tables inside. The waiter was wearing black trousers and a white shirt. A small counter with a glass pane was standing in one corner. Behind this pane there were lots of cakes placed. They looked delicious. The scent of coffee came suddenly to my nose. I breathed in and glanced out of the big window at the book store. Across the street a young couple showed up. The boy wrapped his big, brown hand around the girl's small waist. His black hair was pulled back into a ponytail. He appeared so familiar to me. I felt a strong desire for reaching him. At this moment Edward's cool hand touched mine. I gasped. My brain had come to a conclusion of my strange feelings. That boy was Jack. I stood up, my mouth open and my eyes wide. Tears were rising. Edward pulled me back to my wooden chair.

"That was Jake," I spluttered.

"No. You err," Edward said in a low voice, shaking his head.

"No, I didn't. That was him." I looked skeptically at Edward. "Did you know he went to Seattle?"

Edward glanced at me. He seemed to balance what to say.

"Don't lie to me," I pleaded.

Then he nodded, wrapping his cool arms around my waist and pulling me on his lap. I hid my face, pressing it against his hard chest. Tears were running. My face felt hot. Edward brushed my spine softly with his icy hands. "Emmett is getting the car and picking up Alice. So we can leave soon, love. Don't worry. Jacob is fine. I love you, "Edward whispered in my ear. A few minutes later I found myself in the car. Alice looked at me worried. I shook my head. "It's nothing, I'm fine." Then I lay my head on Edward's shoulder. He stork my side gently and I closed my eyes.


	5. Back

**_Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, New Moon, and Eclipse!  
_**

**_Author's note:_**

**_ Enjoy the story. I hope you'll like it!_**

**_Guess who's back ;-)  
_**

**5. Back**

The lights were off and I was lying on the sofa in Charlie's living room, glaring at the ceiling. The darkness gave me a feeling of calmness. Edward had left about two hours ago for his hunting trip to Alaska and Charlie was still sleeping. The clock showed five in the morning. I couldn't sleep and my thoughts were going in pointless circles. The last days weren't very agreeable for me. Edward had retired because of my overreaction in Seattle. But at this time there had been no strength inside me to suppress my feelings. I'd still suffered from my cold, had eaten less and had walked all the day - then I'd seen Jack, my Jacob without any warning or time to prepare myself. My reaction had hurt Edward much more than my whole aversion to our wedding. I'd seen the pain on his face and in his eyes. But why had he kept safe from me the facts he knew about Jake? And who had told him about Jake was in Seattle? Alice still couldn't see the wolves. I didn't understand this whole matter and I felt so awful.

Charlie had gotten up. I heard he was on his way to the bathroom. I didn't want to have a conversation this morning, thus I sneaked upstairs to my room when he got inside the bathroom. I shut silently the door behind me. The coldness let me shiver. I looked at the window. It was open. So I went to shut it. Then I scuffed to my bed. I was surprised, seeing a small folded piece of paper, lying on my bed. I opened it and recognize right away the awesome hand writing. _I left my heart with you. Take care of it. _Edward had written this before he left. I lay down and pressed the note against my chest until I fell asleep.

Waking up, I was in a strange mood – sad but fraught with confidence. I looked at my engagement ring still on the third finger of my left hand. Wearing it felt much easier in the last few days than before. And now at the time Edward was gone the ring tied me stronger in him than I was ever aware of. That was a wonderful feeling.

Suddenly there was a hard knock on the screen door. Who could this be? Alice wouldn't come over until in a few hours. I reached for the door, looking curious as I opened it. "Jake," I cried out in surprise. He threw his huge arms around me and kissed my forehead. "Hey Bella, are you all right?" He asked with a husky voice, pressing me against his hot chest. "Yeah, I'm fine," I responded in a calm but still surprised voice.

When Jake scuffed inside the house, still holding me in his arms, my feelings got the upper hand. They overbore me and the words spluttered out of my mouth. "Why did you leave? What did you do in Seattle? Has the pack allowed you to be there? And why are you here now?" Tears rose in my eyes.

"Bella, Bella, so many questions?! I'm only happy to be here now with you," he smiled. "Please, try to answer them," I pressed, sobbing. My head was still resting against his hot chest and his big hands started to pet my back. Comfort dispread in my body.

"I'd to fight the pain," he said abruptly.

"And did you win?" I asked so casually as possible.

"I'm not sure." He shrugged. "Seattle helped me a lot. I got a part-time job in a restaurant and a little room upstairs. Unbelievable but there had been moments I was happy. Now, since I've returned…." His voice broke and his eyes grew sad.

"What's now, Jake?" I whispered into his chest.

"I'm not sure if I can stand it," he whispered back and pressed me tightened against him. "The pack is happy about I'm back, but I don't know if I'm really back." He hesitated.

"And why are you then here now?" I wondered again. "Not that I objected, but why?"

"Your bloodsucker called me," he explained, surprised I had no idea.

"Edward called you? That's getting better and better. He knows your number and where you are to find all the time!?" I asked angrily. Jake nodded. "And why he didn't tell me?" I shook my head.

Jake shrugged. "Who understands bloodsuckers," he said casually.

"What did he tell you that you come straight on here?" I asked skeptically.

Jake looked at me silently for a long moment. "You are in pain," he responded then so naturally I was blushing.

I unfixed Jake's embracement and sat down on the sofa I had spent half of the last night. Jake threw himself next to me, wrapping his hung arm around my shoulders. "Are you still in pain, honey?" He asked, pulling me nearer to his warm body.

"I'm confused," I gasped.

"What about?" He wondered.

"Why are you in contact with Edward and why he knows even your address and phone number in Seattle?"

"Because of you," he answered in an easy way.

I gave him an even more confused glance than before.

"If you change your mind and maybe even your husband-to-be," Jake ginned at me, tightening his arm around my shoulders.

"Stupid vampire. I can't believe this," I mumbled to myself, shaking my head. "Why didn't he tell me?" I asked now stunned.

"That was his decision, I don't know why. Maybe he is your husband-to-be." Jake's eyes grew sad again at these words. He kissed my hair. Then he asked hopefully, "Isn't he?"

I looked seriously at Jake. "Did Edward doubt this in your call," I pressed. Jake shrugged.

"I think he did. But he didn't speak it out loud."

Then guilt hit me with such a force I was trembling, thinking of Edward's pain. "Did you only come here because you thought I'd changed my mind?" I asked still stunned.

"Maybe," Jacob chuckled.

"That's not funny. You both are not funny, you know," I advised him angrily.

Then Jacob asked again, "Isn't he, Bella?"

"Yes, he is and you can't change this." I petted his cheek with my hand, looking sadly into his brown eyes. He came nearer to kiss me; but I pressed gently my hand onto his warm, soft lips. "You can't change this," I repeated. "Please accept."

Then I tried to lead the conversation to another topic though I felt sick, guilty and still awful. "Who was this girl next to you in Seattle? She was pretty." I said with an excited voice.

"Oh, that was Mel. She works with me at the restaurant," Jake smiled.

"Do you like her?"

"Not close to you," he answered honestly, looking into my eyes.

"Not again Jake. Is she your girlfriend?" I tried to distract him again.

"Sort of," he glanced at me.

That gave me a stab I hadn't expected. I smiled, hoping he didn't notice my pain. "That's fine," I confirmed him.

"I didn't have more physical contact to her than you to your bloodsucker. I would say even less. So you hardly can speak of a girlfriend. But on the other hand you'll marry him. Thus she must be," Jake explained himself.

I gave him an angry look. "What know you," I mumbled to myself. But his ears caught this. "What does that mean?" Jake asked skeptically and in a certain way jealously.

"That only means we had more physical contact than you maybe can imagine." I fought back.

He looked scared at me. "What do you mean exactly by "more"," he pressed.

"That's not your business," I nagged, already being sorry I'd mentioned this and hadn't only nodded in agreement of his provoking commentary.

"Tell me Bella. He's dangerous, you know."

"He isn't more dangerous than you or your kind. Think of Emily," I advised him.

Then he changed his strategy. "I'm your best friend, am I not? Isn't your best friend allowed to know this?"

"Jake, it is private. But for your satisfaction, he gave me exactly what I wanted," I couldn't suppress a smile at the moment I thought of Edward and this was my fault. That smile said more than hundred words to Jake.

"No, you didn't do this," he said in disgust.

"That depends," I challenged.

"Depends on what," he asked, making a face.

"What do you mean by "this"," I ginned sarcastically. He started getting on my nerves.

"Bella stop that. Did you sleep with that leech? I can't believe it. Please say no," he glared at me hopefully.

"Guilty. Your Honor. Are you now satisfied?" Tears rose in his eyes. "What did you expect? He's my fiancé. Isn't that the way couples show their love each other? And you know I love him."

"But he's a leech, Bella," Jake cried out.

"So will be I," I provoked. Then there was silence. Jake wasn't able to speak for a long moment. He trembled and tried to get a grip on himself.

"Jake, clam down." I petted his big hand.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Then his trembling stopped; but his eyes were still closed.

"Jake, I love him, you know that. So please let us stop discussing," I almost begged.

"Don't convert," Jake also begged with closed eyes. His voice was so sad.

I shook my head. He didn't see but he knew my answer. I squeezed his big, hot hand.

"So it seems I have to catch up a lot with Mel," he said suddenly in a sarcastic way, looking into my eyes.

The stab returned and I squeezed my eyes. This time Jacob seemed to notice my pain, waiting for my reacting. I wanted to scream, _no, don't do that. You are mine._ But how could he be mine, when I was Edward's. So I suddenly nodded "It seems so," I said with a lump in my throat.

He threw his arms around my shoulders and pressed me against his chest, kissing my hair. I closed my eyes. "Will you show up on August thirteenth? You can bring Mel too," I suddenly said.

Jake shrugged. "I'm not sure. I'll try, if it's important to you."

Without hesitating or thinking about a minute how much this day will hurt Jake I nodded and said, "It's important to me."

"So then I'll give my best," he grinned. But this grin didn't reach his eyes. They were still sad.

After I'd told Jake, Alice will come over soon; he decided to make a short visit in La Push. He intended to stay in Seattle for a while again but he announced to show up at August thirteenth. And a selfish part of me was happy about this announcement.

The wedding was so close now Alice couldn't take me out of the arrangements anymore. One week and a half day, then I would be a wife. I touched the ring on my hand and suddenly the thoughts of being tied in Edward the strongest human way existing pushed me at ease. It was the first time thinking of the wedding didn't terrified me; instead of I felt relief. That was amazing. I grinned to myself. Alice looked bright-eyed at me. "You'll love it. It's going to be a perfect wedding," she said with an excited voice. Then she informed me about the order the guest would sit at huge tables standing on the big property in front of the Cullen's and soon also my new home. I could hardly believe that wouldn't be a rainy day in Forks. But I had given up betting against Alice for a good reason – you wouldn't ever be able to win. So I changed the places of some people on Alice's note. There should be some space between my new family and members of the Quileutes, if anybody of the wolves or their families really decided to attend my wedding. But with the one exception of Jake; he would sit next to me. Alice was looking amazingly at my face as she saw Jake would sit next to me. I shrugged.

"Edward didn't need to know until this day. He also kept secrets from me Jake concerning. And Jake is my best friend."

"He will know before," Alice advised me in an almost singing voice.

"Then forget about it and he won't," I smiled slyly at her.

Alice rolled her eyes. "I think that's no good idea. But it's your wedding," she smiled innocently.

Edward had left twelve hours ago and I already missed him badly. Sure I was angry with him because he'd decided to keep the knowledge about Jake from me and handled this whole matter his way, but I needed him close to me for being relaxed. Alice tried to distract me with the wedding stuff but that even made things worse. "He'll be back soon. Don't worry. He wouldn't want you're worry," she comforted me. But this comfort held only for a very short time. After the conversation with Jake I felt emptier than ever without Edward near me. I felt lonely – forgotten – lost. Alice touched my hand with her icy fingers and brought me back of my senses. "Don't be sad. He'd to leave. He'd retarded hunting as long as possible," she said with her pixie-like voice. I nodded. Then there was a long silence.

I decided to speak to Alice about Edward's behavior Jake concerning that I still couldn't understand. "Why Edward didn't tell me about Jake, Alice?" I asked reproachfully.

She grinned at me but the edges of her mouth showed clearly there was no reason for grinning. "Would you tell him, if things were the other way round?" She asked back.

I thought about it a minute. Alice didn't really expect an answer. Certainly she already knew it. I tried to imagine Edward would like one of the hundred girls who adored him. At school almost every girl had adored him in one or another way, only their deeply hidden human instincts and Edward's rejecting behavior had kept them away from him and had been the reason for he'd been single until he'd met me. But if there were a girl right now he would like the same way I liked Jake, I would die. Even if he would tell me she would only be a friend. I couldn't describe the strange pain I felt at this thought. It made me angry and sad at the same time. This pain was very similar to the stab I'd felt when Jake had told me about Mel; but it was much stronger. If that girl Edward would like vanished, I would do anything but tell him where she was to find, even if I knew. Alice was right. Edward's behavior was quite comprehensible. But the fact he cared for Jake was insane. Maybe he was still hoping masochistically I would decide to stay human and with Jake. Not maybe, I'm pretty sure he did; at least the former.

Alice had still a lot of things to prepare for the wedding so she was already half on her way to the door for leaving. I gave her a disappointed and reproachful look because I had no nerves for staying alone and having time to think. Looking at my face, Alice came back and petted my hair. "Get your stuff. You'll stay with me until Edward will come back," she suddenly said. I wasn't surprised. This was exactly what I wanted. When I'd got my bag we reached for the car. I expected Alice had taken Edward's Volvo as she always did when he was absent because in Edward's opinion her Porsche was too ostentatious for driving it in Forks. But she hadn't taken the Volvo. Instead of Rosalie's shiny red BMW was standing in Charlie's driveway certainly not less ostentatious than the yellow Porsche. "Why didn't you take the Volvo?" I asked bewildered.

"Edward had preferred to drive on his own. Carlisle, Emmett and Jasper had taken the Mercedes," she informed me causally.

"Oh," I said, getting into the car. It was the first time I drove in Rosalie's car. Inside a strong scent of leader came to my nose like in the Volvo. I took a deep breath and my body relaxed the first time for that day. The scent was too familiar there was no other chance as to relax. Vampires seemed to like this smell or in fact the Cullens.

The time passed very fast while I stayed at the Cullen's house. Esme and even Rosalie cared touchingly for me; so I decided to spend the rest of my weekend at the Cullen's place. I called Charlie. He was at home but already half on his way to La Push. Billy had called him this afternoon. Jake had shown up. What a surprise, I thought sarcastically; informing my father I wouldn't show up at home until Monday. He seemed to be a bit disappointed but he mentioned nothing that way. Thus it was a short call.

This night I enjoyed watching TV. Rosalie was sitting next to me on the huge white sofa. I loved the big flat screen, hanging in front of us on the wall. Rose also seemed to like the big display. We'd a lot of fun together. More than I'd ever imagine we could. We laughed all the time and I discovered our humors were the same way. Like Edward and me she was the sarcasm in person. Her black humor even seemed to beat mine. When I fell asleep exhausted of laughing all the night she lifted me carefully on her arms and got me upstairs to Edward's room. I opened my eyes for a short moment, looking at her beautiful face. She smiled at me.

"Sleep now, Bella," she said with a clam and friendly voice. Then she laid me on the huge, golden bed and I curled into a ball. My dreams were starting at once. _I saw Edward standing next to me and kissing my hair; in front of us stood Jake and Mel. Jake wrapped his huge arm around her waist like he'd done in Seattle. We were all laughing. Suddenly a pale but beautiful and young woman came across us. After my fancy she was a little too pale and beautiful for being human. I looked afraid at Edward's face; but he smiled. When she has almost arrived at us he stepped up to her. She smiled widely at him. Edward wrapped his pale arms around her shoulders and kissed her forehead. My mouth fell open. Who was she? I couldn't recognize her. Jake and Mel were still laughing. But my high spirits passed at this moment. Edward took the woman's hand and pulled her to us. "That's Tanya. She's here for a visit and had arrived much sooner I expected." He kissed her hair again. Tanya. That Tanya from Denali who had been once interested in a closer relationship with you than good, old friendship, I thought alarmed, pressing my lips together I was able to suppress crying out this question. I nodded in her directing. "Nice to meet you, Tanya," I said, tying to sound friendly. Then Edward left without another word, accompanied by her. I gazed at their backs, not able to cry for them. My voice was too weak and my body started shaking. "Edward, no, please don't do that. Come back. Edward. Edward. Edward," I begged with a weak, quiet voice. I looked around. Jake and Mel were disappeared. I was alone. Slowly tears came to my eyes and I stared in disbelieve in the direction Edward and Tanya vanished. I cried. My face was hot and wet. Then I fell on the ground, sobbing. Suddenly I felt the sun on my face but it was dark around me. There was nothing except pain. I was confused._

At that moment it came to my mind I've already woken up. I opened my eyes. My face was wet and my whole body hurt. I decided to take a shower and to displace this nightmare at least for the next few hours until I was recovered.

The next two days were fun pure although I spent all my time with Rose. Alice was either in Port Angeles or on the phone, dealing with suppliers of wedding stuff, and Esme was still involved with her social project she supported. On Saturday Rose worked at her BMW and taught me lots of tricks to get a car engine up to speed. She showed me what she exactly meant by tuning a car. Rose was a great mechanic and suddenly a good friend to me. Now I understood why Edward liked it so much to tune cars with her. When we both looked at his hardly driven motorbike we decided spontaneously to make a tour on the next day. My motorbike was again in La Push so I called Sam to ask him for permission Rosalie could drive me to Jake's garage for getting my motorbike. Since the Cullens and the wolves have fought together Victoria's army the borders indeed exist but they weren't so absolute than before. So I got his permission in an easy way.

As I woke up on Sunday morning I was looking forward to the motorbike tour with Rose. My sleep had been dreamless. Until now I was successful in displacing the last nightmare. But if I thought of it, I would still suffer from pain. I could hardly expect Edward's return. After that dream I wasn't longer angry with him because oft that chicken feed with Jake. A slight knock on Edward's door caught my attention. "Coming," I whispered still dozy. "Morning Bella, are you ready?" Rosalie's excited voice prompted me to hurry. "Give me five Minutes," I responded, getting dressed. "Okay, you'll find me downstairs, Bell," she called.

Having gotten my motorbike from La Push fun started to the full. Rose was a speed freak. We drove our bikes with an enormous speed along the roads that were almost empty. I had to struggle very hard to follow her. Edward's motorbike was much faster than mine, especially when Rose drove it. My behavior was reckless and stupid. I was still human and too breakable for driving that fast. But I enjoyed the speed too much for being reasonable. So I hoped Edward wouldn't meet Rose this night and read her mind. By now I liked spending time with Rose badly. In most cases she dealt with me as I was a vampire too. She wasn't so careful and didn't make me believe I needed a babysitter or any support. That gave me a feeling of independence. I liked it, I guessed much more than I should. Edward would kill her, if he knew she put me up to be reckless.

Speeding along an empty road behind Rose, I decided to have a break. Speaking it out loud was enough and she stopped.

"That was fun," I grinned at her.

"Yes, you're right," she nodded. "We should do that more often."

"Yeah," I breathed.

"For your next birthday you'll get a better motorbike," she announced. "And don't refuse!"

"You mean a faster one," I corrected her.

"We should take care of Edward's heart, he isn't the youngest anymore, you know. Let me think a saver one," she grinned diabolically.

I grinned back. She was really slyly but exactly after my fancy. "He will kill you, if he find out," I advised her.

"I will survive it," she said casually after a while. "You are great, Bell. I'm happy about you join my family although I would prefer you'll choose to stay human, you already know why," she looked at me seriously.

I nodded. "We are friends then," I asked.

She laughed, "More then friends, I guess."

After that long and fast ride I was dead on my feet. When we arrived at home it was almost dark. Rose pulled me off of my bike and got me upstairs again. Alice was walking next to us, blaming her. Rosalie rolled her eyes and said, "He won't find out." "He will and then you are in trouble. I won't help you. He is going to be furious," Alice said in a singing voice, stroking my hair. Then I fell asleep.

It was dark around me when I felt cool fingers, touching my forehead. "Edward," I mumbled, reaching for the hand the fingers belonged to. "No, Bell, it's me, Rose," a voice said quietly. I opened my eyes, looking at her face. "What is it, Rose," I asked with a husky voice. "Edward isn't back," she informed me. "Oh, I'm sure they will come back in the next hours. Don't worry," I tried to comfort her with a dog-tired glance. "No, Bell, you don't understand. The other have already arrived. Edward had decided to visit Tanya and her coven in Denali," Rose added. Now I was sitting straightly in the bed. "Tanya," I gasped, felling abruptly sick. Rose nodded. Then I jumped out of the bed and hurried downstairs, calling for Alice.


	6. Denali

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, New Moon, and Eclipse**_

_**Author's note:**_

_**I hope you still like the story. **_

_**Please review.**_

**6. Denali**

Arriving at the living room five pairs of curious eyes looked at my face. Rose was standing right behind me. "Don't do something stupid," she whispered in my ear, touching gently my left shoulder. Alice got up from the sofa and walked gracefully towards me. She glanced into my eyes. "Clam down, Bella. Edward will be back in a few days. He decided to invite Tanya and her coven to your wedding; but before that he had to check with Tanya's sister Irina the annoying issue concerning Laurent. She was more involved with him than we knew. His death was a shock for her. So Irina had wanted revenge and fought the wolves; but Carlisle hadn't allowed this to her because of the treaty. You remember; they had even denied their help at the time Victoria had attacked," Alice informed me. I nodded. That sounded logically; but the feeling dispreading in my stomach put me at unease. Suddenly I shook my head. "Alice, do you know about my dream?" I asked. The others looked confused at us; but Alice nodded. "It was just a dream. Not nice; but still only a dream," she smiled at me. "No," I countered confidently. "That won't be the first time parts of my dream become true. He's too important for me. I can't only wait and see. I love him. He's my life," I breathed. Now Carlisle tried to calm me, confirming what Alice had already said. While he talked at me Alice gave Rose an angry glance, something mumbling about, "That's the second time. How could you do this again?" I eyed the living room, struggling to clear my mind. "So, what are you afraid of, Bella?" Carlisle suddenly questioned. I looked at him terrified and a slight feeling of embarrassment came to me. Then Alice's lips moved so quickly I couldn't understand what she was reporting to Carlisle; but I guessed she was telling him about my recent nightmare.

Carlisle gave me a fatherly glance and pulled out of his pocket a tiny cell phone. "Bella," he said in a quiet voice. "Call Edward; he'll explain everything himself to you." I reached out my hand for the tiny, silver phone; but suddenly I was afraid of Edward could tell me something I didn't want to hear or even worse – he could hang up. I hesitated for a short moment. Then I swallowed hard and gripped the phone. It looked exactly like Edward's one and was already dialing the number – his number. I held the phone to my ear in expectation of his voice; but nobody answered it. Suddenly there was an unfamiliar woman's voice, clam, melodically, almost singing, "Hello?" the voice said. "Oh, this is Bella," I answered, surprised it wasn't him. "May I talk to Edward, please," I demanded. "I'm sorry. He isn't here right now. He's hunting with Tanya." "Only with Tanya?" I couldn't stop myself. "Of course," the voice answered, "since he has arrived." "Oh, thanks," I muttered. "I'll call him later again, bye." "Bye." The line was dead.

Hadn't Edward already been hunting for the last few days? I wondered. And why this woman had answered his phone? Usually he switched it off while he was hunting; but he kept it with him. Something was moving the wrong way and it was my job to find out what exactly it was. My pulse was quickened and a strange kind of ache spread out in my chest. I could hardly breathe, gripping Rosalie's arm. I was near to faint. She looked at me with anxious eyes, wrapping her arm around my waist and leading me to the sofa. I sat down and tried to take a deep breath. Suddenly my mind was clear. I knew exactly what was to do, glancing at Alice. She shook her head. "You won't do that. I'm not going to support you, Bella," she warned me. I ignored her and I asked my question nevertheless. "Are you willing to lend me your Porsche?" But she still shook her head and gave me a quick, unfriendly, "No". The others glared at me alarmed. Then I turned to Rose. Her glance met Alice's though she still didn't know precisely what I was going to want from her.

"Could you imagine making a motorcycle trip with me again? And this trip will lead us to, let me think about it, Denali, of course incidentally," I asked Rose. But for my astonishment, she also shook her head. "If you want to have fun, you can ask me every time. But if you need a babysitter, you better choose Alice," she said in a snappish voice. "Oh come on, Rose, that's going to be fun," I tried to convince her. However, she shook her head again. "That's going to be trouble," she advised me seriously. "Wimp," I teased. She rolled her eyes and grinned at me. I wasn't angry with her because of that comment. It was her way to say she wasn't the right one who could support me in this situation. Edward wouldn't be pleased to see her with me in an affair like this and she knew that well. "Honestly, it doesn't matter, if someone of you is willing to come with me or not. I'll also go on my own," I informed the perplexed group of vampires around me. Then I hurried making it upstairs for dressing. Alice was right behind me.

"What did you see will happen, if I show up in Denali?" I asked her furious.

"Nothing," Alice said; but her face was emotionless. And that was a clear sign she was lying.

"Don't do that to me. I thought you're my friend or even more than my friend," I cried, putting on my jeans and my shirt.

"He is indifferent about this. So that means nothing, Bella!"

"He's indifferent!" My voice dropped an octave. Edward is thinking about sleeping with Tanya and you said it's nothing," I blamed her. "Should I be happy now he isn't positive about that or what do you expect from me?"

"Bella, Edward is also just a man and you've hurt his feelings again and again. So his thoughts are comprehensible; but that doesn't mean he would ever do that. He's still a gentleman."

"And he's your brother. So, on which side you are, Alice?" I challenged, searching for my purse.

"You will get lost on your way to Denali and even if you don't, you won't find the house. It's hidden in the mountains. If you don't know exactly where it is, you hardly can find it. So your mission is impossible," Alice smiled at me.

"After what we experienced in Volterra, I thought, you would be the last one who tell me what is possible or not," I glared into Alice's eyes. "Imagine it would be Jasper instead of Edward. What would you do?"

Alice closed her eyes. "Come on, we can make until noon," she suddenly said, opening her eyes and heading for the stairs.

Alice was accelerating the Porsche. The engine snarled. I kissed her cheek. "Thanks a lot. You are the best," I grinned at her.

"I only do that because Edward will blame me, if you get lost," she gave me a dark look. "Do you honestly believe he would ever cheat on you? He loves you more than anything else," she said reproachfully.

"You would do the same, if it was Jasper. I saw it in your eyes. You didn't close it fast enough," I reproached her. "Only the fact Edward is thinking about that possibility drives me mad. It hurts," I said and tears started rising in my eyes.

Alice touched my hand. "He's still indifferent; but his jealousy of Jacob becomes stronger and stronger," Alice informed me with a light voice.

It was three o'clock in the morning; but the adrenaline in my body pushed me up and thus I wasn't able to sleep. I glared out of the passenger's window into the darkness, imagining his beautiful face, his sweet scent and his cool fingers, touching my face. I missed him and I was afraid - afraid of losing him again. It started to rain. The drops crackled against the car. Alice was staring out of the windshield, speeding up the car along the empty road. I felt guilty. Hadn't I overreacted in Seattle when I'd seen Jake, Edward would have been at home with me right now. If he did something stupid, it would be my fault. I felt awful. My stomach twisted. I opened the window and inhaled the cold, wet air. "Are you sick?" Alice asked sympathetically. I nodded. "Shall I stop?" I shook my head. I wanted to see him as soon as possible. There was no time to waste; not even time to throw up. I concentrated of breathing in and out. After a long hour my sickness was gone. "Better?" Alice looked at me. "Sure," I said with a weak voice and closed my eyes, hoping for sleep now.

When I woke up the sun was shining onto my face. Outside everything seemed to be green. There was grassland everywhere I could look, huge trees, so high I could hardly see the treetop and different kinds of beautiful flowers. This was Alaska. My window was still open and fresh air surrounded my face. I squeezed my eyes. "Morning, Bella. Did you sleep well?" Alice said in her pixie-like voice. "I think so," I replied still tiered. Alice grinned at me, "You have a lot to tell when you are sleeping." "Oh no," I groaned. "What about?" I asked, clenching my teeth. "About my brother, only about my brother," Alice told me. "Edward seemed to be a good lover," she ginned at me. "No, not about that," I whispered, blushing. "Don't worry; you didn't mention details," she said tickled pink. "How long will it take yet until we'll arrive?" I questioned, trying to distract Alice from that affair. "One hour, I guess," she said. I glanced at the watch. It was 10:30. a.m. "How fast did you drive while I was sleeping?" I looked at her in astonishment. "Fast, I'd to proof my new car," she smiled apologetically.

After a while the Porsche turned off to a small way of pebbles. The little stones crashed against the bottom of the shiny, yellow Porsche. Alice clinched her teeth. "In most cases Edward use to stop here and run the rest of the way because he doesn't want to damage the Volvo," Alice looked at me. I eyed the way and there was it, standing in front of us – Edward's familiar, silver Volvo. I wanted to get out and touched the car to realize Edward wasn't far away anymore; but I resisted. "We can also do," I offered. But Alice shook her head. "It's an emergency, isn't it? Edward and Rose will bother with the damage, if there's one." The little stones crashed still against the car. The way rose and we got higher and higher. Suddenly wood started. Alice killed the engine. "We've to walk now. I'm sorry, but there's no other way," she glanced at me apologetically. I shrugged. We got out and started to walk. Here the nature was still intact. It seemed to be like never a human being walked here before. The air smelled sweet and the wind touched gently my skin. We walked through the wood. Alice glanced attentively around and sniffed. "Safe," she suddenly said. I looked confused at her. Why shouldn't it be safe here? Here at one of the most beautiful places I've ever seen. Alice seemed to understand my confusion. "If they are hunting, they will smell you so fast there will be no chance for you to escape. While hunting vampires are out of their own control," Alice explained. I nodded scared. As long as I was human I didn't intend to meet Edward while he was hunting. Not that I wasn't curious; but he would blame himself for what he was again and again, if I got hurt or even worse.

Walking for a half eternity my initial enthusiasm was gone. There were only trees and the ground was full of ferns, moos and dangerous nooses. After falling down the third time I was near pleading Alice for cropping me. I looked around irritated, hoping for a sudden end of our nice walk. Then I saw it. "Alice," I shouted happily, "we've reached it." I was almost dancing. Alice laughed. "It's so easy to make you happy, Bella," she teased.

In front of us appeared a huge white mansion. It was similar to the Cullen's one; but three or even four times bigger. It almost looked like a little manor-house. Everywhere seemed to be windows and the roof was scarped. On one of the edges a little tower showed up. This mansion was majestic. I glared at it fascinated, feeling like in a fairy tale and waiting for my prince. Suddenly Alice wrapped her cool, hard arm around my waist. "Come on, Bella," she said, pulling me straight on. I must have stopped. Now we arrived at the clearing the mansion was standing in the middle of. "How many members counts Tanya's coven?" I asked still stunned of the mansion's dignity. "Five," Alice chuckled. "You like it, don't you?" "Yes," I said in a reverential way.

When we got to the screen door I'd almost forgotten about the reason for I was coming here. But then it hit me. "Edward," I whispered to myself. My heartbeat was accelerating and I hardly could bear my yearning for him. I reached out my hand and touched the door. It was wooden and twice as high as I was. Alice knocked against it. Nobody opened. Alice knocked again. Shouldn't they already know we were standing here, at least they were vampires and their senses should be much more sensitive than human ones, I wondered. Surprisedly a singing voice came to my ears, "Coming," the voice called. Alice pushed the huge, wooden door open. It looked quite heavy. Then we got inside.

A young, beautiful, pale woman welcomed us. Her face was heart-shaped. She threw back her long, reddish brown hair and smiled at us. "Ah, welcome Alice. First Edward and now you. And…," she kept silent. Her curious eyes looked at me. "You must be Isabelle, Edward's fiancée. " At that word I shivered. But she was right. I was Edward's fiancée and soon his wife. But the most important point was he was mine, not Tanya's and not anybody's one. I wanted to correct my name when the beautiful woman said, "Oh sorry, I know, you like Bella more. Edward told us," she smiled. I nodded and smiled back. "I'm Irina. She reached out her pale hand towards mine. I grinned and shook her hand. Thus this woman was the reason for Edward was here. I couldn't imagine Irina was so suborned Edward had to make an expanded hunting trip with the family's head Tanya to convince her to attend our wedding.

"Please follow me. My family is waiting for you. They hardly can expect to meet the legendary Bella Swan. Fell like at home," Irina said. I blushed. "Thanks," Alice replied, following Irina. "Isn't Edward here?" I broke my silence for the first time. "No, he's still on his hunting trip with Tanya as I told you on the phone." "Oh, I spoke to you," I said a bit surprised. "Yes. He left his phone here. Probably he forgot it. They decided to go high into the mountains, searching for lions. Edward likes them most." "I know," I said confidently. She smiled again. Then we arrived at a kind of living room; but I wasn't sure if that hall was really one. The walls were white and in one of the edges a big brown sofa was standing. Three more vampires were sitting on it, glancing at me. Two female and one male. The male vampire was now speaking to me. "Welcome to our home, Bella. I'm pleased to meet you. Edward was talking about you all the time. Oh, how rude, I forgot to introduce myself, but you seem so familiar to me. I'm Marius," the black-haired vampire said friendly. I glanced at Alice with questioning eyes. "His talent is similar to Edward's. He's a mind reader too," Alice explained to me. I smiled and nodded, looking curious in his direction; but already knowing his answer. After all the time I started to amuse myself by my immunity of the most vampire's talent. Suddenly he shook his head. "You're also an exception to me," he finally said with a disappointed glance at me. "You're not the only one. I also was to the Volturi – Aro and Jane," I said casually. "Oh yes. Edward told me this story. Amazing," he said fascinated. I was surprised about my own confidence. I talked to a foreign vampire as if I knew him for a long time. Alice seemed to guess my thoughts again and looked at the female vampire next to Marius. Now she was speaking. "I'm Agnes, Marius' wife and this is my sister Agafa," she gave me a friendly look. I grinned at her. "Agnes is able to give you lots of confidence. It's her talent," Marius informed me. I nodded, now understanding my own behavior.

We sat down on the big, brown sofa. "So, when will Edward and Tanya return?" I asked a bit irritated. "In a few hours," Alice responded in her silvery voice, touching my hand and looking at my face sympathetically. Marius started telling us about his early years as a vampire. He'd stayed with the Volturi like Carlisle and he also had left them because of his conviction of saving human lifes.

I dithered on the sofa. Marius still told us his story; but I couldn't concentrate on it. I needed Edward and the truth he was mine – only mine and not Tanya's. Suddenly Irina was speaking. I looked up at her. "I'm happy to attend your wedding next Saturday," she said with a smile on her beautiful face. "Oh, Edward could convince you?" I asked astonished. "Yes, your husband-to-be can be very convincing," she laughed; but it didn't reached her eyes. We both avoided mentioning Laurent's name. And that was for a very good reason. I still could see the pain in Irina's eyes – pain of miss. "But why is Edward making a hunting trip with Tanya," I asked skeptically and not sure if I really wanted to know the answer. Then a gorgeous woman appeared in front of us. She was the same size as me. Her eyes were expressive to an extent I'd never seen before. I wasn't able to look away. I just glared into her eyes. She came to me and reached her hand for mine. "Hello Bella. I'm Tanya," she said in a lovely voice.

At this time I could break the connection between our eyes and glared around the big hall; but I couldn't see Edward. Now I panicked.


	7. Only Truth

**_Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, New Moon, and Eclipse._**

**_Question: Will Edward cheat on Bella?_**

**_Thanks for all your reviews. You're really great!!!  
_**

**_The story continues and I hope you'll love this chapter, too ;-)_ **

**7. Only Truth**

"Edward," I screamed, hoping for my eyes were only blind for a very short moment and he would appear in front of me. But he didn't. I glared at Alice. Her face looked quite stressed; her head was titled forward, her eyes closed. She mouthed three words; but I couldn't understand them; not that they were meant for me – certainly she tried to send Edward a message, a kind of little warning. However, when he'd done what I was expecting no warning could ever help him to save this situation.

The tension in the air drove me crazy and I couldn't bear it anymore. Tanya was still standing next to the sofa. Jealousy inside me got the upper hand and my heartbeat accelerated to a speed that was surly unhealthy. I felt my blood rising into my cheeks and cold sweat appeared suddenly on my forehead. Getting up from the big, brown sofa the next shock hit me. I would swear I saw a flash of embarrassment on Tanya's face. Tanya, the family's head of the third biggest coven I knew after the Volturi's and the Cullen's one, was standing in front of me and looking like a sheepish, little girl. Something seemed to be quite wrong. I glared at her and demanded confidently, "Where is my fiancé?" And this time I was sure of my confidence wasn't coming from Agnes; but from my anger about myself. I'd created this situation. Without my immature behavior Jake's sudden appearance concerning there would be no reason for Tanya's embarrassment. Abruptly she eyed the floor of the grand living room. "Edward has still kept at the rocks. He needed time to think. So I let him alone and went straight on home." Then she glanced at me with a weak smile. When she'd mentioned his name a stab had come to my heart and my lungs had stopped inhaling oxygen. My hands had gotten frozen. I groaned with pain, clutching my arms tightened around my chest. Tanya glared concerned at me.

"What happened while you both were hunting," I whispered in pain almost pleading for an answer. Tanya had to be a reasonable vampire. She held the same position in her coven as Carlisle did in ours. So she had to be mature and able to have a serious, honest conversation with me. I glanced up at her in expectation of the first words that were able to damage all my hopes and faith. But she kept still. I eyed around to shunt out the silence, still waiting for an answer, a reasonable explanation for the whole strange situation. When my glance fell at the big, brown couch I saw it was empty. Automatically my lips formed the next question. "Where did your family and Alice go?" I asked bewildered. This time she responded, "They'd decided to give us some privacy." I nodded, slowly understanding. "And what about my first question," I tried again. But she didn't reply anything. "Are you going to tell me the story," I asked angrily, deciding this was my last effort of getting an answer. She shook her head. "You should have this conversation with Edward," she advised me now seriously. "So, where are the rocks," I demanded a bit irritated by her childish behavior. If she'd done something wrong, she should have owned up to this. Everything else would be unacceptable for a vampire like her.

"Oh, the rocks are pretty near by our house….," she said, suddenly interrupted by Alice's pixie-like, silvery voice. "I'll show you, Bella." She danced gracefully towards us and wrapped gently her arm around my waist, pulling me to the door of the hall. I lost sight of Tanya and her long, beautiful, strawberry blond hair. My thoughts circled pointless. What should I say to Edward? What did happen while they were hunting? Could he really do this to me? And what about the human rules he didn't want to break? I wasn't able to believe this – to believe he cheated on me - unless his lips would pronounce these cruel words to me. Alice walked silently by my side. It was almost dark outside and I had barely noticed how late it already was. Twilight again, the safest time of a day, I thought sarcastically, touching sadly my engagement ring. "I don't think anything had happened. Tanya is very wise. She wants only to be sure of you'll have a serious talk with your future husband. And I didn't see anything like this took place while they were hunting," Alice tried to comfort me, petting softly my back. I smiled bitterly at her, not able to say anything because of a lump in my throat. And then I saw him.

There he was, standing like a Greek god next to several huge, grey rocks. His pale skin reflected the tiniest rest of the daylight that slowly vanished more and more. Edward's perfect features still reminded me of a male model, shooting a commercial for an after shave or a shampoo. His beauty was unbearable. My appearance pointed out the opposite; I showed up very ordinary and clumsy with no grace or special talent. Fear of losing him got dominant. My stomach twisted. Tanya was seriously a better match for him than I was.

He looked at me, eyes smooth, smiling his crocked smile. First I walked only a bit faster; but then I started running. Alice was gone; I barely noticed. I only saw him. I only could think of him. He opened his arms and I crashed against his hard, cold chest. My stomach was full of butterflies that expelled the whole anger I'd felt before. Happiness got the upper hand. "Edward, I'm so sorry. I love you," I breathed, pressing my face against his marble chest and inhaling the sweet scent coming from him. "I've missed you so much." Tears started rising in my eyes and I clutched my body tightened against his. He kissed my hair, encircling his arms around my waist. "Bella," he whispered, "You know, I love you. You are the most important thing for me. You are my life; the reason for my existence." I looked up into his liquid, butterscotch eyes, not able to speak the tiniest of words. I forgot about everything, my name, where I was and the reason for we were here. Then his lips found mine and he kissed me. I threw myself into the kiss, clutching my arms around his neck. First his mouth moved gently on mine; but then it became more eagerly. He pressed me tightly against his body. I could feel every line of him. Pulling away, Edward whispered my name, "Mrs. Isabella Cullen, I love you and I will always love you." Well, precisely it wasn't my name – not yet. I glanced into his eyes again; this time for a long moment. "I owe you an apology," he finally said. My stomach twisted. "Why?" I managed to ask anxiously, hoping for another reason as I was expecting. "I did behave like a foul. I shouldn't have run away. I should have talked to you. I love you so much. It was my fault. I'm so sorry for hurting you," he smiled apologetically at me.

I kissed his neck, searching for the right words or rather the right questions I would ask him. But his scent and his touches made me still dizzy. Thus I babbled the first question that came to my mind. "Why did you go on a hunting trip with Tanya after you'd already hunted a few hours ago?" "She invited me and I didn't want to be impolite," he smiled. "Always the gentleman," I teased, kissing him.

Then he sat down on a rock, pulling me on his lap. I nestled into his cool embracement. "But that wasn't exactly what you wanted to know, love, was it?" He asked with an innocent smile on his face. I looked up and shook my head, suddenly blushing. "You did see my motivation for coming here in Alice mind, didn't you?" He nodded, brushing gently my cheek. I felt like melting honey, looking at his perfect face, the straight line of his nose, the hard square of his jaw and the soft curve of his full lips. He looked concerned. "I never could and would do that to you. Besides, you are the only one who has ever touched my heart. I love you, only you." He shook his head. "What can I ever do that you will have more trust in me?" He demanded desperately.

"But Alice did see you are indifferent," I was sobbing now. "Indifferent about what?" he asked bewildered. I stared into his golden eyes, mouthing the words, "sleeping with Tanya." I wasn't able to speak them out loud. He looked in horror at me. "Didn't you see that in Alice's mind?" I demanded astonished. "No, I didn't. But I think I'm going to have a serious talk with my tiny monster sister," he responded acidly, shaking his head in disbelief.

"I was indifferent about talking to Tanya about my feelings the affair with Jacob concerning because I know what she is feeling for me and I didn't want to hurt her. Nevertheless she's a very good friend of mine and she has helped my family and me in most cases when there was need for her help. The first time after I'd met you I was in Denali and she was there for me. She's very wise and has always given bright advises to me. Over them it is very nice to have a chance to compare advices of Carlisle and Tanya. It's thoughts of a man against them of a woman. They've often given the same advices to me; but in some cases the advices have differed a bit. That has been very interesting. " He grinned and suddenly looked silently at me.

"But why did Tanya react so strange when I asked her about your hunting trip?" I interrogated curiously, scrutinizing his face. "Did she?" he asked surprised. I nodded. Edward shrugged. "Maybe she wasn't really sure if you know about how she feels for me and if that was the reason for you coming to Denali. Or maybe…." He paused. I glanced at his face. His expression showed he wasn't sure if he should tell me this explanation. "Maybe?" I asked, putting my fingertip on his pale arm, sliding slowly up over the short sleeve of his brown shirt to his shoulder. Then my finger glided down over the buttons of the shirt to his light blue jeans. I looked at his face. Edward's eyes had followed my finger. He smiled crookedly, griping my hand and kissing softly my wrist. I couldn't get a clear thought anymore. My heart started beating faster and faster. Edward lightly touched my cheek, sending tingles through my whole body. I got slowly through the buttons of his shirt. My breath accelerated; but I wasn't the only one whose breath became quicker than usual. I grinned, glancing into his liquid topaz eyes. My hands touched his bare chest, starting slightly trembling. He closed his eyes. "Maybe?" I managed to whisper into his ear. But he ignored me and pulled my right leg over his lap; so that I was sitting now in front of his perfect body. Then he started kissing me in way that should be illegal. His mouth moved from my cheek over my lips to my throat and back again. The whole world around me vanished. I gasped, losing control of my mind. All thoughts were gone. His distraction was so much better than mine. But if he did win this, I would also have a benefit of that. My hands slid down along his muscular chest and tried to open his jeans. Abruptly two cool hands gripped softly my wrists and formed ivory handcuffs around them. "What are you doing, Bella?" I heard a smooth whisper in my ear. Smiling sheepishly, I released my wrists from his gentle grip and brushed along his cool lips with my fingertip. He shook his head slowly in disapproval. "Be serious Bella. We should do this neither here nor yet," he advised me with an edge in his musical voice.

"Why not?"

"You know that I'm not the only one who can read minds out here, do you?"

"But that's not the true reason, is it?" I asked still disappointed that I didn't get my way.

"No. We are going to be married in few days. We should save this for afterwards," he smiled crookedly at me, kissing gently my ring.

I shook my head. "Still old-fashioned," I teased.

He nodded, brushing a stand of my hair from my cheek.

"Fine," I agreed. "But will you be so nice and give the second explanation for Tanya's strange behavior?" I grinned slyly. Edward rolled his eyes. "You aren't going to give up, are you?" I shook my head. "Maybe she did want to teach you a lesson how jealousy could hurt." He eyed the rocks. "She did want to show me how you felt when you arrived here, didn't she?" I questioned, feeling guilt rose. He slowly nodded, glancing into me eyes. "I'm so sorry, Bella. I didn't know she would do that. She hid this from me." "And Alice was with her?" "Possible. She closed her mind as soon as she saw me, translating parts of the bible into Greek," Edward replied.

I couldn't think of an adequate comment; so I decided to be still, eyeing around for the first time. The huge, almost black rocks were silent standing there; probably for centuries. Darkness covered now our surroundings. I got up from Edward's lap and moved carefully a few steps. I felt his body right behind me. Sudden coldness made me shiver. The wind was harsh. Edward rubbed my arms to get me a bit warmer. Behind the rocks I could realize an abyss. I moved nearer. Down, on the foot of the small mountain something sparkled. Edward seemed to guess my thoughts. "That's a little sea, reflecting the stars," he explained. "It's beautiful." "Not close to you, my beauty," his cool lips whispered into my ear.

"Why have you been in touch with Jacob?" I wasn't able to stop myself anymore. I hated secrets. And there shouldn't be such ones between Edward and me. He wrapped his arm around my shoulders, pulling me closer to him. "Just in case there could me an emergency," he said casually. "What do you exactly mean by emergency?" I felt confused. There was no longer danger in Forks for me and if there was, seven vampires and a pack of nine wolves would protect me. What was the matter if the tenth wolf had decided to live in Seattle for a while? "In case you'll change your mind; I know where he's to find," Edward said in a low voice I could hardly understand the words. When I realized the meaning of his answer every single word he'd said hit me like thousands of little stones crashing down on my head.

I looked in horror at him. "Did you think I'd changed my mind when you call him the last time," I asked, trying to calm my voice. "It seemed like you needed to talk to him," Edward grinned at me; but the grin didn't reach his eyes. The blood pulsed in my veins. Anger rose and I couldn't hold my tears. "Stop it, stop it," I shouted. Suddenly the ground under my feet started trembling. Then the rocks vanished and everything went black. I tried to force out words of my mouth; but my lips didn't move. Edward's cool arms lifted my body. There was a hollow ringing sound in my ears.


	8. Count Down

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, New Moon, and Eclipse!**_

_**Author's note:**_

_**I hope you'll like this chapter. **_

_**Please review. **_

_**Thanks a lot to all who already did!**_

**8. Count Down**

The next things I realized were voices and cool fingers, touching me. I opened my eyes. Edward's beautiful face appeared only inches from mine. "Bella, are you all right?" he whispered anxiously.

I swallowed hard, willing to give an answer; but I couldn't. My throat hurt awful. A pale hand held a glass of water in front of me. I reached out for it with trembling fingers. Edward took the glass and held it to my mouth, supporting my head. Cool water streamed to my lips and thirst forced me to drink.

I found myself lying on a huge bed in a room which was bright with light. It seemed so familiar; though I wasn't able to remember. I gave Edward a questioning glance. He seemed obviously concerned, shaking his head. "You gave me almost a heart attack when you suddenly fainted. Your mind has decided to rest for hours or more precisely for days," he smiled at me a bit relieved, petting my hair.

In the background I heard a silvery voice, describing something fussily. "Alice?" I mouthed her name.

Edward nodded. "She's speaking to Carlisle."

"Carlisle?"

"Yes, we're at home. I decided to drive to Forks as you didn't awake. Carlisle diagnosed a nervous breakdown. You need rest now, sweetheart. Don't worry about anything. You're the most important thing." He kissed my wrist, twinning our hands.

"Charlie?"

"Carlisle talked to him. I think he didn't mention the nervous breakdown including your little trip to Denali. Charlie got a story about wedding arrangements with Alice," Edward grinned slyly.

I nodded relieved.

Slowly I recognized Edward's room. The pale hand that had offered the glass of water belonged to Rose. She was sitting on a chair next to the bed, waving to me. "Hey, are you still alive. I've to admit you gave me a little shock when you refused to wake up," Rose snickered.

Edward glared at her with an angry expression on his face.

"This time it wasn't me. It was Alice. So stop glaring at me," she defended herself, trying to stop Edward's accusing glare.

"Don't argue," I forced out the first words; but they were only a low whisper.

"Get out, Rose. She needs rest," Edward commanded.

Rose slid out of his room, smiling at me and waving.

At the next moment Carlisle appeared in front of us, holding some drugs in his hand. "Welcome back, Bella," he greeted me. "You have to give your body and especially your mind rest for a few days. There, please take this medication; so you'll sleep well." He looked concerned at me, touching my wrist and feeling my pulse.

Edward gripped the three little pills and put them into my mouth, holding the glass of water near by my lips. I tried to refuse and shook my head. I didn't want to go back to sleep. I've slept for hours, maybe for days. But Edward seemed to hold another opinion.

"Be reasonable, Bella. You need to sleep. Please, do it for me." He focused the whole power of his golden eyes on mine. My heart picked up speed. I couldn't breathe even anymore. His cool finger stroke over my lips again and again. Then after several times he'd stroke over my mouth I swallowed, making a face.

"Fine, Bella," Edward gave me a content glance.

"Which day is it?" I forced out.

"Wednesday," he replied, smiling.

"Three days till our wedding," I mouthed.

He nodded happily and kissed my ring.

The thoughts in my head circled. What was the last I could remember before I fainted? I tried to concentrate hard; but the medications seemed already to develop their efficacy. My head got dizzy more and more. Then it hit me. Very dark; in the last corner of my mind I saw scraps of the conversation I had with Edward that night. Tanya and Alice taught me a lesson of hurting with jealousy. Edward was sorry for that. And then…. My mind got darker, my limbs relaxed. No, I didn't want to sleep. I wasn't ready. I focused my thoughts on the rocks where the whole conversation has taken place. What was it that made me so angry? I held my breath. Edward shook me. "Breathe, Bella, breathe," he called on me anxiously. I rolled my eyes. Abruptly it came to my mind; maybe because of the little vibration Edward caused, shaking me. Jake. Jacob Black had been the last subject we had been talking about. I looked at Edward.

He was holding my hand. Minutes passed and the room got gloomy. I blinked. My eyelids felt heavy. The seductive acted to the whole extent and finally it knocked me out. I fell into a black hole. Every memory vanished slowly step by step.

When I went back from my black hole and finally broke through his surface I felt a slant of light on my face. Warm shapes gave me a feeling of still being alive. There was a strange urge in my mind like I'd forgotten about something I couldn't remember by now; but at this moment that didn't bother me. The warmth was comfortable. I stretched my arms and legs. Every single muscle told me clearly they haven't moved for a certain time that was obviously too long. "Ah," I muttered. The sudden pain forced my eyes open. I looked at my surroundings. There was no move. Everything seemed to be still on his place. Not even the light flickered.

Suddenly I discovered a pale face with huge, innocent eyes in one of the room's corner. It took me a moment to remember where I was and what had happened; but this time my memory worked without effort and unexpected problems. Realizing her presence, I felt Alice's glance on me. She smiled when she saw I was aware of her.

"Hey," I greeted her friendly. Long time since I've seen you last," I joked.

"Oh, Bella, I'm so sorry. I haven't planed this. It was a misunderstanding. Please forgive me," Alice pleaded with a squeaking voice, giving me a puppy dog glance.

I tried to put things together what exactly had been her role in this strange play. Occupied with my thoughts I shrugged more to myself than to Alice. I'd no idea why she'd told me Edward had been indifferent about sleeping with Tanya.

"Please, please, please," was her response to my shrugging.

I pushed the blanket away and stretched my legs over the edge of the huge, golden bed, ignoring the shrill pleading, coming from the corner right in front of me. My head swam a bit. Now I realized the warm light on my face was the sun. Forks' sky showed up almost clear.

Which rareness, I thought, smiling to myself. Getting up, I tiptoed through the room to Alice. Without a blanket I almost froze on my short way. It was so cold.

Just now Alice was starting a new turn of pleading.

"Oh please, stop it. You already know I've forgiven you," I tried to get silence into the room. Then I plopped down on Alice's lap. She grabbed Edward's jacket, lying next to her and put it around my shoulders. I kissed her cheek.

"So I think it's time to tell me the whole story with detailed explanations of complicated parts, sis," I said reproachfully.

Alice's reaction was a huge grin at me. "Thanks, Bella. I knew you would forgive me," her silvery voice proclaimed happily.

"Of course you knew. You're a psychic," I teased.

"It was a real misunderstanding, he decided, she decided, he changed his decision so fast I wasn't sure of what about he was finally indifferent. And then you came along and made your own conclusion of my words. In my opinion your conclusion was a possibility though I've known my brother would never do that to you," Alice started with her explanation so fast I could hardly understand a word.

"But honestly, Bella, I think the whole jealousy subject has been gone beyond ridiculous. Every time you saw Jacob you freaked out and Edward suffered from jealousy without saying any word. Didn't you really know what you've done to him every single time you showed your feelings for Jacob Black?" Alice asked; but she didn't expect an answer.

I slowly shook my head in pain. Feeling bad after getting up, I felt now like a truck had run over me and had crashed my chest. I wasn't able to inhale. The air seemed as it was too thick for my lungs.

Looking at me, Alice guessed easily my current pain. "Oh, oh, he's going to torture me and at the end he'll bite off my head. At least he threaded last night he will do that, if I tell you this," Alice smiled weakly.

I glared in terror at her.

She nodded. "Yes, Edward was furious. I'm glad I'd Jasper. He calmed him down. My brother didn't want you know about his pain rather he would suffer until the next century. For some reason Edward still hopes you'll change your mind and will choose Jacob. It would be healthier for you. You would stay human and never lose any possibilities a human life can offer to you. Beyond ridiculous," Alice snapped.

"I don't want any human possibilities. I only want him. Every part of my body and my mind wants him," I cried out.

"I know, Bella. And he wants you too; but he is overdramatic and overprotective all the time." Alice rolled her black eyes.

"That isn't fair. I did believe the whole "make your decision" subject was finished and Edward has accepted that I'll first tie myself in every human way to him before he would give me immortality; but that he still hopes I would stay human and this without him – this is too much," I sobbed.

Tears ran from my eyes and soaked Alice's shirt. She brushed my back.

"Edward is going to kill me," she squeaked concerned.

"So, in conclusion, when I saw what was Tanya's purpose as she'd entered the living room I decided to keep still and let you understand his pain and to know the fact that he suffers. Will you forgive me," Alice asked again, suddenly doubtfully.

"I already did," I responded with a thick voice. "Where is he now?" I asked.

My body was still busy with the reactions to this unexpected information. I wrapped my shaking arms around Alice's neck and hid my wet face in her shirt.

"In front of the house. He plays referee for Emmet and Jasper. They are wrestling. But I think he's no fair referee because he owes Emmett," Alice told me.

I looked up. "Why?"

"He lost a bet. But technically he didn't. He just doesn't know this by now," she grinned.

Then she clapped her hands together. "Fine, if the boys have fun, we'll have, too. Please, don't freak out, Bella; but do you think you'll come to your slumber party I've organized for tonight." A huge grin appeared on Alice's face.

"Oh no, please don't," I complained.

There'll be enough attention to me on Saturday and I will have no chance to change this because in most cases the bride is the most important person on a wedding without a doubt. A slumber party with all my female friends or even worse - how I knew Alice - with all girls of Forks wasn't necessary to give me any more attention.

"Shouldn't I stay in bed until Saturday," I asked innocently.

"Don't be a baby. Therefore it's a slumber party. So you can stay in bed. Good idea?" Alice said smugly.

I made a face.

"Oh, come on Bella. That's going to be fun. Only girls. That's the last few days until you'll married my overprotective, stubborn brother," she teased.

"Fine, I'll come and will hate every minute like I do every time coming to your parties," I promised.

This time it's going to be worse than the last times because Edward won't be with me.

Alice grimaced and stretched out her tongue.

"I love you too, sis," was the last she got from me.

After lying in bed for such a long time I'd decided to take a walk. I dressed and a short glance into a mirror advised me to pull my hair back into a ponytail. Then I followed slowly the stairs down. When I arrived at the second floor I saw the door of Carlisle's office was standing open. My legs felt still weak and I didn't want to fall. Thus my hands glided along the wall and I walked carefully.

As expected Carlisle was sitting behind his huge wooden desk and looked friendly at me. "Hello Bella. How can I help you?" he asked politely.

I entered the room. Suddenly Carlisle was by my side, supporting me.

"You know, officially you're not allowed to take a walk, Bella. You should stay in bed," Carlisle advised me seriously.

"I know; but I can't do this any longer, my limbs hurt and I'm going to die of boredom if I've to stay in bed one minute longer," I complained.

He sat me gently down on a chair that stood in front of his desk.

"So, what's your concern?" he asked still politely and smiling at me.

"Edward hasn't accepted the soul subject, I guess?" I said to Carlisle.

It wasn't a real question; but I wanted to have an advice of Carlisle. I trusted him. He would know what I could do to force Edward to accept finally I would become a vampire.

Carlisle nodded. "He prefers you'll stay human; but after your conversion he'll see the whole advantages and will accept this. I'm sure. I know my son. He can't live without you. And joining our family your conversion is the only safe possibility for us all," he smiled at me.

"But that wasn't your only question, am I right?" Carlisle suddenly asked.

I nodded. "What happened really to me? Nobody gets a black out for days."

Carlisle investigated concerned my face before he spoke. "I think your body fought the stress your mind produced to him. Your decisions seemed not to be as clear as you might have thought. You have been stressed strongly for the last few weeks. For self-protection you'd gotten this black out. Are you really ready to join us? You have all the time you need, Bella," Carlisle said concerned.

"I think it's more the wedding than my conversion. And yes, I'm ready. Did you tell him this?" I questioned anxiously.

"No, I was very careful with my thoughts around him. I wanted first to know if you want to tell him. It's your decision, Bella," Carlisle pointed out.

"Thank you, Carlisle," I said gracefully.

"Anytime," he replied, smiling. "But now I'll call Edward. You can't walk around by yourself," he warned me.

Seconds later Edward glided into the office.

He scooped me up and flew with me downstairs.

"Let me walk by myself," I pleaded.

"Are you sure, sweetheart," he asked with disapproval in his smooth voice.

"Very sure," I mumbled.

He let me down on my feet and pulled his arm around my waist. I started to walk through the huge garden behind the house. I've never done this before. Now I saw that the whole backside of the house was really made of glass and I could clearly hear the river. I almost could smell it. There was peace and freedom in the air. I felt safe, happy and at home. I smiled to myself. Edward watched me attentively. I turned to him.

"We have to talk. I hope this will be the last time this subject will bother our relationship," I said.

He nodded in response and his face looked serious.

I thought a short moment about the choice of my words. I wanted to make it for good. These words had to be strong enough to phrase all my feelings.

"Soon I'll be your wife and then after some time, very little time, I'll converse to a vampire. There is nothing in this world that can change my will to do and to be this. I love you for eternity. Please accept this, Edward." I looked into his eyes and he seemed a bit confused about the reason for my words. I decided to give him a clue.

"Jacob Black will always have a place in my heart; but he's only a friend, nothing else but a friend and you aren't able to change this; not in a century or ever; he's only a friend," I finished, still looking into his beautiful eyes.

He closed it and pressed his cool lips on my forehead.

"I love you, Bella," he said.

And there was nothing else for the moment to say.

We walked silently side by side. Edward supported me, caring half of my weight. After a time Alice's party came back to my mind.

"Please, can you safe me from Alice's…" I started.

Edward grinned crookedly and shook his head.

"You should really enjoy your slumber party, Miss Swan. It's your last party before you're my wife," he said with a teasing voice, chuckling.

Back in the house I saw Alice had done her job. It was gloomy inside. Everywhere on the living room's floor seemed to lie white blankets and pink pillows. The ceiling sparkled with thousands of little stars. In one corner I could realize a huge table full of sweets. I rolled my eyes.

"Pink pillows," I groaned.

"Alice will be Alice," Edward chuckled.

"Where are you going to go this night?" I asked and he could read the jealousy on my face. Everything was better then joining a party with pink pillows.

"Hunting. It's a good opportunity before the wedding and we won't go far. So we'll be back right in the morning," he promised.

I hid in Edward's bed, hoping Alice wouldn't notice I wasn't downstairs. When the door slowly opened I pulled the blanket over my head and closed my eyes. Somebody removed the blanked and cold fingers brushed over my cheek. I looked up. It was Rose.

"Come on, Bell, party time," she smiled.

I looked shocked at her. She wore silky, pink pajamas and held the same ones in her right hand. I shook my head.

"No, I'm not going to wear this pink nightmare."

"I do also. Don't be a wimp. Everybody does," Rose said reproachfully.

"Everybody?" I asked in disbelieve.

"Yes, it's really funny. You should watch by yourself."

I got on my knee and scrambled out of bed. Rose held the pajamas in front of my nose. I groaned but took it. Then I lingered to the bathroom and put on this ugly thing. The only advantage I could imagine, wearing a pink nightmare, was that I didn't attract attention because the others wore the same, too. Comforting myself with this thought I left the bathroom.

Very slowly I made my way downstairs. I couldn't believe my eyes. Rose was right, everybody wore pink.


	9. Slumber Party

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, New Moon, and Eclipse. **_

_**I had a lot of fun while I wrote this.;-) **_

_**I hope you'll enjoy this chapter, too. **_

_**Please review. I want to know how you think about it.**_

**9. Slumber Party**

I stood there; on the very first stair and looked around. Everybody was here. Well, not really everybody; but every female person I knew seemed to have found her way to the Cullen's place. Angela, Jessica, Lauren, Mel and even Emily and Leah had shown up. The two wolf girls sat together in the middle of the crowded room, drinking soda. Their dark, silky skin gave the pink color a certain charm. Emily smiled at me. I waved to her in response. Half of Forks' people was dancing, chattering or eating here right now and even La Push was invited.

Rose touched my shoulder from behind. "Look there," she pointed with her pale finger on two women, standing next to the table with sweets. They talked to each other. My eyes were too weak. I could only make out their shapes. Taking a few steps into their direction, I looked with wide eyes and suddenly happiness flooded my body.

"Mom," I cried out; but the chatter and the music were too loud. She couldn't hear me. Renée talked to Karen Newton. Right now she was laughing, turning her head in my direction. I took further steps over lots of white blankets, bowls, glasses and not to forget pink pillows, lying on the floor.

As my mom finally caught sight of me she flashed a wide smile and opened her arms. I ran to her, reminding myself that she was more breakable than the persons I usually ran to and crashed against their chest. So I slowed down and arrived softly at my mother's arms. "Hello Bella. I already thought I wouldn't see you until the wedding," she complained.

"Oh Mom, I'm so happy to see you. How's Phil?"

"He's fine. His leg has recovered very well."

She tightened her arms around me and kissed my hair. Then I heard a familiar, silvery voice behind me.

"I knew you would be happy, seeing Renée."

I broke from my mother's embracement and turned my head so I could look into Alice's eyes.

"Of course you knew. You're a psychic. Thanks. I love you," I mouthed without the tiniest tone.

She nodded in response and flew to a small group of girls that had attended Alice's French course in senior class. Mike's mom joined a group of women with them Esme had collected things for people in need. So my mom and I were undisturbed.

"My little girl is going to get married in a few days," I heard the voice of my mother. "I still can't believe it," she said.

"Mom, you've known it for several weeks now. Even I slowly understand what I'm going to do in two days." I smiled weakly at her.

She looked concerned.

"Why are you going to do this if you aren't really sure of it?" she suddenly asked.

That was a legitimate question. Though I exactly knew the answer I couldn't give it to her. And even if I were allowed to tell her about my sweetheart was a vampire and would only change me by himself, if I married him before, she would advise me against doing this if I'm not sure of it one hundred percent.

During our phone call when I told her the first time I would marry Edward I was able to sound convinced of what I intended to do. But now she could see my face and behind the curtain of being convinced. "We should go to a quieter place," I suggested. My mother nodded. I gripped her hand, leading her upstairs to Edward's room.

What answer should I give to her? On the one hand I knew she was right; but on the other hand I also knew my decision was right, too. I plopped down on the bed and put the cover over my legs. Renée sat down next to me and wrapped her arm around my shoulders.

"It means a lot to him," I began, knowing this way of argumentation wouldn't convince Renée.

"I mean it's the right way…," I paused, looking up to my mother and playing with my fingers.

"…for me. There're a lot of things you won't understand if I tell you; but considering this facts it'll make no difference if I marry him now or in ten years." I smiled, proud of me, pointing up such a complicated situation without mentioning words like vampire, immortal or conversion.

My mother nodded with piercing eyes on me. "It's the secret, isn't it? And you aren't allowed to tell it anybody - not even your own mother," she suddenly said.

I was startled; how easily my mother put things together and seemed to understand though nobody had explained anything to her. She figured out things only by observation and she had a very good feeling for hidden things.

"Oh, Mom, there's no secret. I already told you in Jacksonville. Which book did you read in the last few days?" I tried to distract her.

"Bella, you didn't might have noticed; but there is not the question for you if you'll marry Edward. There is only the question when. So I think you're pretty sure of your decision to marry him though you think it's a bit early. Now I want to know why you are going to marry him in two days and why you don't wait. And you said it's too complicate to explain. How complicate can something like this be, if it isn't a secret?" she finished coherently.

I was surprised by my mother, I've never experienced her as logical as this. I nodded in silence.

"Everybody should know I choose him and I'm happy with him. That's the only part of the, well, you would call it secret, everybody is allowed to know," I admitted in a way.

"Will I ever get this secret," she asked with excited eyes.

I shook my head sadly. "Therefore the wedding in two days," I said and tears showed up in my eyes.

My mother hugged me without any further questions. Although I didn't tell her about my new vampire family she'd understood my whole situation in a way. Because of that sensibility and comprehension I loved my mother so much.

After a while of silence she changed the subject and told me about Phil. He was in the motel right now, watching TV - the only motel Forks offered. He got a new contract in Jacksonville and they two thought about fixing their living room.

"By the way, where are Dr. Cullen, Edward and the other guys," she asked casually.

"Hiking," I replied easily.

My mother pursed her lips. "Two days before the wedding. A bit strange," she commented.

I shrugged. "They like it," was all I could think of.

Without a doubt better than "They need it," I thought, smiling at my mother.

"All right, shouldn't we go downstairs again," Renée suggested. "Alice will surly be sad if you hide here.

"Yeah, and if I don't expose these cool, pink pajamas," I remarked sarcastically.

My mother gave me a pat on my back. "Be nice to your future sister in law. She's such a good girl," she advised me.

I rolled my eyes; but she couldn't see.

The next few hours I enjoyed really with my mother, my new family and my friends. After the party, lying again in Edward's bed I was happy and grateful. My body relaxed and I flew into a dream.

"_I saw a huge garden. Long lines of tables with blue, silvery cloths were standing in front of me. The grass was covered with white fabric. There were sitting lots of people I knew. I recognized my mom, Phil, Charlie and several of my friends from school. They all were dressed very decent. I turned around and saw Carlisle. He smiled at me, dancing with Rose. Suddenly I discovered Billy in his wheelchair. His face looked unhappy, almost sad. I approached him. "Where are we?" I asked curious. He shook his head in disapproval. "You know exactly where we are and what you are going to be and to do," he said in a bitter tone. I flipped and my eyes were searching. An urge inside my body forced me to look for Edward; but I couldn't find him. Panic started to spread. My heart raced and my body felt cold._

_Then pictures swirled through my head and I found myself standing in front of Emmett. He wore a black tux and on his face was a ceremonial expression. Looking at my dress, I finally understood what event I attended - it was my own wedding. I wore the dress Alice had ordered for me - my Anne of Green Gables vision. Edward stood next to me. Realizing this, I felt relieved and smiled at him. He looked so happy and beautiful that his appearance hurt me. His perfection was unbearable. I couldn't believe this creature was meant for me. His velvet voice answered a question Emmett had asked him, "Yes, I do." And at this moment there was nothing else I wanted more than answering the same question and thus being his wife. I was astonished about my own feelings._

_Suddenly I heard people squalling and then a deep howl. Immediately Edward turned and shielded me with his body. I looked from behind him and saw what I already knew I would see. A huge reddish brown wolf was sitting in front of us, howling. I could see the sadness in his eyes. I pressed myself against Edward's hard back, preventing to feel pain in my chest. "Jake," was all I could whisper. Then the wolf got ready to spring. Edward's body tensed. He prepared for a fight. "No," I screamed and horror hit me. Abruptly it was very cold. I shivered."_

Somebody called my name. This voice I would recognize anywhere and I would answer to it anytime. It belonged to Edward. I inhaled and the sweetest of all scents reached my nose – his scent. "Yes?" my lips moved without a tone.

"Did you have a nightmare," the voice asked anxiously.

I could feel a cool hand on my cheek. I wasn't sure if I was still dreaming or already awake. At this moment I supposed something between.

I reached out and could feel Edward's cool, hard body. Not able to suppress a smile, I pulled myself nearer to him. Snuggling into his chest, I whispered, "Welcome home."

He padded my hair.

"Are you really awake, love?" he asked skeptically.

Afraid he would leave, if he thought I slept, I forced my eyes open. Looking up, I saw an anxious expression on his perfect face. The pale skin reflected the moonlight, coming through the window from outside.

"Are you all right, Bella?" Edward pressed.

"Why are you asking me this?" I wondered.

"You screamed like somebody or something had hurt you pretty much," he explained.

"Bad dream," I mumbled, trying to comfort Edward.

"Do you want to tell me about?" he questioned.

I shook my head. I would be glad, if we didn't experience something like this on Saturday. There was no need to alarm Edward. Jake would never do this. It was only a dream. Now I comforted myself.

"Why not?" Edward asked a bit grieved.

"I don't wanna remember now. Maybe tomorrow," I replied.

He nodded satisfied.

Then I felt his lips, pressing softly against mine. He rolled over and pulled me on his cool body. My pulse accelerated.

"Shall I distract you from your bad dream?" he asked, smiling crookedly.

"Yes, please," I whispered, kissing him on his neck.

Cool arms tightened around me. I could feel every line of his cold, hard body. But I didn't freeze. No, the opposite happened. Heat spread out on my skin. It felt like I burnt. Edward's hands moved along my spine. I couldn't breathe anymore. My lungs stopped working. Every part of me was electrified.

Suddenly Edward put me next to him and rolled to the side. His lips were on my throat and moved to my chest. I started trembling, gasping for breath. The air streamed in my lungs and I inhaled his sweet scent. My dizziness got stronger. His cool fingers moved under my pink shirt. I wasn't able to realize what happened. Had he changed his mind and I got the second time my will? Oh, I was hoping for it. I wanted him bad. His appeal was so strong I could hardly control myself. Struggling for being reasonable, my surroundings started to spin. I gripped Edward's muscular upper arms, searching for hold. He touched softly my rips and moved on under my shirt.

I pressed my hot palms against his cheeks, pulling the most beautiful face I've ever seen to my lips. Then I started kissing him. My lips touched every part of his face. At this point I lost completely control. Only my instinct led me. I felt a desire that I couldn't suppress anymore. Reaching his ear, I hesitated for a few seconds. What was the worst that could happen? He could push me away like he has done so often, advising me to be reasonable. But there was nothing more he could do.

"I want you. Let's do it again before the wedding," I whispered in his ear.

His lips turned to a smile. "Not here. We have too little privacy. My whole family is sitting in the living room," Edward whispered back.

"Okay, where will we go?" I asked, kissing his neck.

"It's late and you should stay in bed, love," Edward said, still smiling.

But it wasn't the time to give up. "I will stay in bed. I will only change it," I grinned sheepishly.

Edward shook his head. "You're unbelievable," he chuckled.

Then an idea came to my mind. I wasn't sure, if I could suggest this one to Edward; but the words sputtered out of my mouth before I could think them through.

"The car," I whispered, glancing into his eyes. I flushed and my heart beat so strong I wasn't able to breathe anymore. Embarrassed I closed my eyes. What was I thinking of? He was so old-fashioned. He never would do this. I should have suggested the motel. But now my chances were gone. Waiting for his "No", I hold my breath. The seconds passed.

I felt a blanket around my shoulders. Surprised I opened my eyes, gasping for air. Edward scooped me up, heading for the door. I giggled.

"I can't believe it you are doing this. I would have bet against it," I whispered.

"I love you," was all he said, flying down the stairs to the back door.

In the garage he sat me on the passenger's seat of the Volvo. A second later Edward accelerated the car and we left the Cullen's place.

"Where we are going to?" I asked curious.

"Actually, I have no idea," Edward admitted, smiling crookedly at me.

I laughed. "Mr. Cullen, I'm shocked. That's the first time since I've known you that you do something crazy like this."

"I would have never believed it; but I enjoy this pretty much," Edward admitted.

The Volvo's heater worked very fast. Almost sweating, I pulled the blanket off.

It was raining. The drops crackled against the shiny Volvo. Wrapped up in darkness the car stopped and Edward switched off the lights. I could hardly see my own hands. Only the moon offered a weak light; but the heavy clouds dimmed it.

My hands searched their way. Finding Edward's body, I climbed on his lap, putting my legs on each side of his seat. He chuckled. "Do you see anything?" Edward asked and my fingers felt a huge smile on his lips.

"Hardly," I admitted.

"But there's no need for my eyes. I'll prove you," I said, smiling.

Opening the buttons of his shirt step by step, my fingertips glided over his bare chest. Abruptly but very softly he pulled me against his body. Hot waves flooded me. I breathed very uneven. Edward's icy tongue encircled the shape of my lips. Stretching my arms above my head, Edward removed my shirt.

His bare, icy chest pressed against mine. I was glad of the coldness coming from Edward. My body was so hot that I would have collapsed without his cooling. The force in his kisses got stronger. His breath was almost as fast as mine. My surroundings vanished completely, I only felt him. His cold fingers brushed along my spine. I trembled.

"Are you cold?" he breathed in my ear.

I grinned against his lips, "No, I'm not."

"It's my very present that makes you trembling," he chuckled, still breathing very fast.

I laughed, thinking of the next step I would do. My fingers glided along his chest down to Edward's light blue jeans. I had no idea how I should get rid of them. There was too little space inside the car.

Opening the belt and the buttons, I whispered, "Some help, please."

Edward chuckled again. "You are quite sure of what you are doing here, aren't you" he remarked.

"One hundred percent sure," I whispered in his ear.

A second later, his jeans were gone.

"I have to admit I'm impressed, you're very fast," I said in a teasing tone.

I could feel how Edward shook his head slowly, still low chuckling.

Then his hands were on my pants. He lifted me softly, putting his left arm around my waist. His right hand got my pink pants off. I could feel his whole icy body against mine. I was thrilled. Edward took the blanket from the passenger's seat and put it around my shoulders, kissing me more and more eagerly. He encircled my body with his cool, strong arms, pressing me tightly against him. I gasped.

Happiness dominated me. I would have never believed he would give me my will tonight. I would have even bet against Alice. Well, not against Alice; but against everyone else who had come along and had taken this bet.

My feelings ruled totally. I was physical addicted to Edward. Every touch let me slightly tremble. How did he do this? After all the time I've found nothing that made me strong enough to get a grip on my physical reactions. It was unbelievable, though it was cold sweat started to run over my face and the air burst out of my lungs like I'd run a marathon. Not that I knew how it felt running a marathon but I guessed this was pretty closed.

Edward was still a tiny bit reserved. He still couldn't believe I enjoyed pretty much doing this with a vampire. So I was very sure he would ask my permission again. I decided to get the drop on his question.

"Yes, I'm sure I want you. Make me forget my bad dream. Make me forget my surroundings and my own name. I want you, Edward," I breathed against his smooth mouth. Feeling his lips twitching into a smile, I dropped the blanket from my hot body.

"I love you," Edward replied and I felt his cool fingers brushing along the sides of my thighs. I took a deep breath between our kisses, trying to steady myself. At this moment Edward started to love me and my plan of getting a grip on my body reactions was gone.

There was only him. I could taste, smell and feel him. My thoughts circled. This was what I wanted, what my body needed. I've never forgotten the feeling of the first time Edward had slept with me; but this time I was even more aware of it, more aware of him and of the closeness between us. No other situation gave me a chance of this closeness to him.

He was very careful with me and I wondered if he enjoyed it as much as I did. I wanted to share this special moment with him in terms of everything. Then the words bubbled out of my mouth again this night without a thought about them, "Do you like it?" I breathed heavily against his lips that were moving with mine. "You have no idea," he answered and his cool breath came very fast against my cheek. I smiled, leaning my head back and concentrating on feeling him.

Edward's movements became faster and faster. I wasn't able to understand what happened with my body. Even if I had wanted to stop it, I wouldn't have been able to do this. There was a force, a desire inside me that was so strong I couldn't fight it.

Suddenly I felt such a strong feeling I almost passed out. I pressed my palms against the head rest of the driver's seat and enjoyed it until it was gone. At the same moment Edward's movements stopped. I fell against his chest into his arms and he hugged me tightly.

"Are you happy, love?" he asked uncertainly.

"You have no idea," was my reply and I kissed him eagerly.

This night was as perfect as him.


	10. Red Cow

_**Author's note:**_

_**Enjoy the chapter and please review so that I'll know if I should continue my story or not. **_

_**I **__**really **__**need your feedback!**_

_**Thanks a lot.  
**_

**10. Red Cow**

It was a nice day with little clouds in the sky and a sun shining in my face. Standing behind the grand window wall in Edward's room, I looked down into the huge garden. The last 36 hours had passed very quickly. Everybody was busy with wedding arrangements and excited. Even Edward couldn't hide his excitement anymore. He was passing around the house while Alice brought the last things in order.

My body knew exactly which day was today – it was August the 13th – my wedding day. But right now I was feeling nothing. There was no excitement or fear. There was only nothing. My whole body felt numb - numb and cold – I shivered. Probably I was standing here for a too long time; but I wasn't sure where I should go without being strongly confronted with the whole wedding theme.

In six hours everything would be over - six long, painful hours, I thought to myself, shivering again. I didn't even wear my wedding dress. My hair hung along my shoulders and I wore my favorite jeans and an old blouse. No place came to my mind where I could hide for the next few hours to get my brain washed so I would be able to stand this.

The backyard looked very beautiful like in my dream two nights before. Alice must have seen this. But I didn't feel related to it. I didn't feel as it was my wedding. I felt like a noninvolved observer – like it wasn't important if I was here or not. I knew exactly this feeling was wrong; but I couldn't help – it was deep inside me.

I promised Edward not to run out on him; but at the moment I felt as I had to do that. Indeed, he was all I wanted and all I needed; but who wanted or needed a wedding. Trying to get a grip on myself, I sat down and swallowed hard.

Last night I'd talked to Charlie. He had been still concerned about my decision having such an early wedding. I'd been to Charlie's house for getting away from it all at the Cullen's place; but it had seemed like there had been no chance for me to escape. Arriving at Charlie's living room, he'd started a conversation about my wedding. I hadn't been angry with him. He hadn't seen me for a quite long time because of my nervous break down; so I had sat down and listened to his words. "Are you really sure of spending all your life with this guy. You are so young, honey. Why don't you wait? Your mother told me there are lots of reasons I wouldn't understand; but you didn't even tell me one. Are you pregnant, honey?" he had asked all of a sudden. At the word "pregnant" I had looked at my father's face, returning of my thoughts. In my mind there had been only Edward. I still could feel him, his touches and his body. There was no question I was addicted to him. He was my brand of heroine like I was his. "Who's pregnant, Char.., em, dad," I'd asked curiously. A little gossip maybe would help to distract myself from my distress of getting married, I'd thought.

"You, honey?" Charlie had replied.

"Me? No, I'm not pregnant," I assured him.

He exhaled relieved.

"But what is it then?" he had questioned.

"Oh dad, C'mon. We won't have this discussion again. I love Edward. That's the only reason," I had hissed.

Charlie's face had shown a pained look so that I had almost been sorry for my bad behavior.

I thought of my father's face when a slight knock on the door caught my attention.

"Coming," I whispered, eyeing suspiciously the door. Then Edward glided into his room with such a grace that knocked me breathless. I only glanced at him, not able to say anything; but the pained expression on my face must have told him enough about me at unease. He approached and put my face between his hands.

"Alice saw that would happen," he whispered, looking sadly into my eyes.

"What did she see?" I asked unsurely. I didn't make my decision to run off. Nevertheless, I felt guilty.

"You are unhappy and undecided," he breathed.

I shook my head. "No, I've made my decision and I stick to it," I said with a firm voice.

"You know, love, I only need you to be happy; but at the moment you are suffering form pain and unease," Edward eyed me anxiously.

"I'm just excited like you. That's all," I tried to assure him. "And by the way, are you allowed to see me today before the ceremony?"

Edward smiled crookedly, "No, I sneaked off to you. Alice was busy with arrangements; she didn't pay attention to her visions; so I took my advantage of it and came here. You look as if you need badly distraction ," Edward grinned at me.

"Not today. That'll be too much for me," I admitted blushing.

"Not that kind of distraction, silly," Edward shook his head in disapproval.

"I've got a surprise for you." Then his lips touched softly mine. "Climb on my back. Let's sneak out for the next few hours," he commanded.

I was stunned. Such a plan coming from Edward I would have never expected. But in my situation sneaking out for a while would be the best, I guessed.

He headed for the stairs and flew down with me on his back. Nobody came across us. Maybe they were all in the backyard. Then Edward arrived at the garage. I was a bit astonished because I thought we would sneak out on foot. He helped me on my feet and turned me to the left side. I glanced at an unfamiliar car. It was azure blue and looked very beautiful.

"Whose is it?" I asked.

Edward smiled, searching for the right phrases of his answer. Then he replied shortly "Yours, sweetheart."

Now I saw the big red bow around the car. "You bought me a car as a wedding gift?" I muttered; but I felt too weak to be angry with him.

"It's a Jag. First I tended to choose a nice little Audi coupe; but then I saw the Jag. It's a good car - very fast. Do you like it?" Edward asked innocently, ignoring my irritation.

"Come on, sit in. Rosalie has tuned it for several weeks. She will be offended, if you don't like it," Edward remarked with a slight reproachful tone.

Then it hit me out of the blue. I was standing in front of the Red Cow. That was it all the Cullens have tried to keep secret from me for the last few weeks – Edward had bought me an azure blue Jaguar as a wedding gift.

He pushed me gently to the driver's door, opening it for me. I smelt the rich scent of leather, coming from its interior. Like the scent had promised the seats showed up in black leather. An eye catcher was a big stereo integrated in the dashboard. I sat on the driver's seat and Edward closed the door behind me. Less than a second later he was sitting on passenger's seat, turning the key in the ignition. "Let's cruise. We've got two hours until we have to be back." Edward smiled excited.

I accelerated the Jag. Edward was right. The car was very fast, for my flavor a bit too fast. When I slowed down Edward rolled his eyes. "Now you are able to drive more than sixty miles an hour and you don't do that. What's the problem, Bella," he asked stunned.

"I'm a responsible driver. Remember, Charlie is a cop." I answered back.

But then my numbness returned and my thoughts circled around the wedding. Slowly I accelerated the car. Edward was playing with the stereo, demonstrating plenty of its functions. He smiled at me. It was his angel's smile.

I grinned to myself, still accelerating. I was now far over sixty miles an hour. The speedometer showed 110. Adrenaline rushed through my body. I felt better.

It was a snap decision: Seconds away from the next turn my foot jumped on gas pedal. It was almost a 90 degree turn. Edward looked up anxiously, reacting in milliseconds. He grabbed the steering wheel and turned it heavily to the right side; but it was too late. I heard a loud growl. "No, Bella, no. Please don't."

Then the car crashed with his whole power against a huge tree trunk. At the next moment I wanted to suck in air; but I couldn't. It felt like I was in a vacuum. Trying to call Edward's name, I realized I wasn't able to speak, too. Warmth spread around my body. It was a good feeling.

Abruptly there was a soft vibration getting stronger and stronger. I heard Edward's voice again. Probably my eyes have been closed because I haven't seen him since I couldn't breathe. "No, please don't Bella, not now. Please don't. Oh God," Edward screamed.

I felt something smooth under my palms. It seemed to be grass. Suddenly I was able to take a breath. Not a deep one; but it was enough. Little power returned to my body and I forced my eyes open. Glancing into Edward's horrified face, I tried to remember what exactly had happened. "Oh Bella, sweetheart, everything will be fine. Carlisle is on his way. Please don't die. I love you," Edward breathed into my face. Usually I would smell his sweet breath when he was this close to me. This time it was different. Everything was different. I didn't smell anything.

The slight vibrations, starting once, got now as strong as an earthquake. Damn, I thought to myself. This was a really bad moment for an earthquake. Edward stared at my face and pure fear dominated his one. Why was he so afraid of an earthquake? That made no sense. Something liquid concentrated in my mouth. I remembered the taste and spat it out. Crap, crap, crap. This was blood - my own blood. And there was no earthquake; it was only my body that was shaking.

As the warmth I've felt was replaced with coldness I heard Carlisle's voice. "For how long is she shaking? Is there blood in her mouth?" Carlisle asked. I didn't hear Edward's response.

I wanted to answer myself; but it seemed to be impossible at the moment. The shaking was too strong and the coldness made my body stiff.

Instead of answering, I followed Carlisle with my eyes. He came to me and kneeled down on the grass. Edward must have pulled me out of the car and must have laid me down here. Carlisle's fingers felt almost warm. Crap, how cold I must be? I wondered to myself. He glanced down into my eyes and shook slowly his head. The wind blew through his blond hair. He smiled gently. "I'm so sorry, Bella. Your injuries are too severe."

"No, no, no," Edward growled.

More blood concentrated in my mouth and I spat it out again.

"She is going to choke on her own blood. Her interior injuries are too bad, Edward. There is not much time left for your decision. You know exactly, what she wants." Carlisle looked at him. I couldn't see Edward. He was standing too far away from me.

Crap, I was going to die. I was dying. That really wasn't my plan. What could I do? What should I do? I wasn't even able to say goodbye, to give Edward a last kiss. That really sucks. And Charlie and Renée. They expected their only daughter getting married and now they'll have to attend my funeral. Poor Charlie, poor Renée. And Jake? Poor Jake.

Carlisle was still kneeling next to me, holding my hand, when the rest of my family arrived. I reached out my hand for Alice. She was in seconds by my side. "Ten minutes, Edward," she squeaked with a shaking voice.

"Okay, I'll do it," Edward suddenly said, absolutely calm, changing places with Carlisle.

"Bella, love, can you hear me?" he asked, glancing at my face.

I nodded simultaneously with my shaking.

"Your injuries are lethal. You are going to die." His voice broke on the last word; but he continued, ignoring it. "There are only two options."

He looked for long moment into my eyes, and then he spoke it out loud. "Either you'll go the right path that a human life provides for you or you'll join me. Which option do you choose, love?" he finished with a pained expression on his angel-like face.

It was hard to concentrate. I must have lost a lot of blood because Jasper, Emmett, Rose and Esme vanished seconds after they had appeared.

"Bella, have you heard me," Edward pressed.

Oh, exactly, there was an answer to give. What was it? I couldn't remember the question.

"Edward, you must do it now without her permission. She is already too weak and you know this is all she wants. You have only this one chance. If you wait too long, she will be gone for ever," Carlisle said, suddenly with an edge in his usually so calm voice.

"Five minutes until her heart will stop beating. If you don't do it, I'll do it myself. I'm not going to let her die because of your moral concerns, Edward," Alice blamed.

My mind got darker and I couldn't feel my body anymore. But suddenly a flash rushed through my head. Of course, he had asked my permission to bite me, to give me immortality. With the last sparkle of life I reached my hand out and touched Edward's cheek. He grabbed it and held it there. This was really necessary because I wasn't able anymore to control my limbs. "Do it, please," I mouthed, glancing into his golden eyes filled with pain.

For the shortest second he kissed me on my lips. Then I felt his cool mouth on my throat…


	11. Three Days

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, New Moon, and Eclipse.**_

_**Author's note:**_

_**This chapter is telling about Bella's conversion. **_

_**It's a big cut in her life. **_

_**So review if you have imagined her transformation close to that or in a completely different way. **_

_**I'm curious.**_

**11. Three Days**

I was that sick I hardly could concentrate on Edward. Well, actually, I wasn't able to concentrate on anything anymore. The world around me disappeared slowly. So I decided to let the chips fall where they may as Edward had said once on one of our first days. Accepting my fate, I stopped fighting my body's reaction.

Unbearable pain brought me back from surrendering and caught my attention. My throat was aching, feeling as a knife cut it. Then there was a strong sucking. At the same moment my shaking came to an end as abruptly as it had started and my head was clear again.

Edward held me tightly in his arms, his mouth on my throat. He was sucking out my blood and giving me his venom in return. I was lying on a meadow and Edward kneed next to me like Carlisle had done. All of the Cullens were standing around us. Esme, Emmett and Rose must have been come back during my half-unconsciousness. Their faces looked blank. When my gaze met Alice's I smiled. She smiled back; but there was pure fear in her eyes that put me at unease.

Edward's embracement lifted suddenly and the sucking stopped. His face looked tortured with blood on his mouth. Our eyes met in a long glance. I was almost about to say something as the fire started. Pain hit me with such intensity that I cried out.

"The venom already spreads. You've done all you could. Now time is working," I heard Carlisle's voice. He touched Edward's left shoulder. Edward was still kneeling motionless next to me. It seemed like he wasn't able to believe what he had done. I wanted to comfort him; but the pain was too strong. Rooting out tussocks, I cried out again.

"It's time to leave," Carlisle said.

"Where we should take her?" Edward demanded with a said voice.

"Alice, did you all prepare?" Carlisle asked.

"Yes, of course I did. I called all the guests and cancelled on them. I mentioned the accident."

"That's right. Then we'll take her to our house, I suggest. It's the safest place for her at the moment," Carlisle said with a determining tone in his voice.

Edward nodded, scooping me up.

I moaned.

"Everything will be fine, Bella. I'm so sorry," Edward tried to assure me, getting into the Mercedes.

The darkness inside the car gave me a bit comfort; but no distraction. Trying to concentrate on former times I'd traveled in it, I failed. The fire arrived at my stomach. I gasped for breath. Edward brushed softly my hair.

"I'm so sorry, Bella. Carlisle will give you some morphine as soon as we'll arrive at home. Then the pain will ease up until your heart will stop beating," he promised.

I blinked, pressing my face against his hard chest. Not even his scent could drop the fire. How long was it since he has bitten me? I couldn't remember; but I wished the pain would be over soon. And if the pain wasn't enough torture at all, tears started to run over my face. I had lost control over my emotions. Edward squeezed my hand while my tears soaked his shirt.

"No," I screamed.

Edward pressed my body closed to his, getting out of the Mercedes. He carried me upstairs. I imagined my mind was separated from my body - this was the only way at the moment to prevent getting insane.

Once more again I find myself resting on the huge golden bed in Edward's room. Carlisle was now standing by my side and injected the morphine. I prayed it would work fast. A quick whisper caught my attention. Edward was talking to Carlisle. Edward nodded once again and left the room.

Rose and Alice sat both by my side, holding my icy hand and sousing me. Tears still ran over my cheek. No question why vampires couldn't cry – probably they used up all their tear fluid during their conversion, I thought to myself. Then the pain eased up. I sucked in a deep breath at ease, not expecting the sudden feeling of sickness.

I gesticulated to my mouth. Alice gave me a bowl and Rose held my hair out of the way. Then I threw up. My stomach ached and my hands were shaking; but I couldn't stop. I was so glad Edward wasn't inside the room right now and couldn't see that. It was so embarrassing. At the end I threw up my own blood. Then it was over. Relieved I put the bowl down on the floor. Looking up again, Emmett stood in front of me with a big grin.

"You had already thrown up. That's a good sign. Maybe you'll get it in less than three days," he said with a booming laughter.

I shook my head in disbelief. Surly he and Jasper had taken bets on my transformation time. I stretched out my tongue. For more I wasn't capable of.

Alice removed the bowl out of the room. I looked at her thankfully. One short moment later Edward was back. He kissed my forehead. Carlisle entered the room behind him with a new injection of morphine. I shook my head. As long as I felt no serious pain I would resist. My fear of needles was much stronger than any pain could be. But Carlisle ignored me. He injected the morphine as fast as I wasn't sure if I hadn't just imagined it.

My lips turned into a smile and I felt a little stoned. I was glad the tears had stopped; but now it seemed as I arrived at the smiling phase. Edward brushed my cheek. "After your transformation we will have to leave Forks, Bella. That will be best for your own and our safety. Probably we will visit Tanya and her coven again. Alice is looking for a new home in Alaska on the internet," he informed me.

I wasn't sure if I dreamt about this information coming from Edward or if it was real. Everything moved in slow motion. No doubt, I felt great – no pain; but I wasn't myself. That dose was clearly too high. The combination of morphine and vampire venom could make up a new party drug, I supposed. Probably only for a very short time until the venom got his full efficacy; but for this time it would serve the purpose.

My body felt numb once again. I thought about the irony. The last time I felt like that I was about getting married in a few hours and now I was unmarried and about dying in a few hours. Life wasn't fair; but I was used to it. At least I didn't feel any pain.

"The morphine works pretty well," Edward informed Carlisle.

Carlisle touched my wrist. Maybe he was searching the pulse. I snatched my hand away from his, still smiling, and touched with both hands my torso. I couldn't remember what brought me to do this; but what I found out scared me. My whole body convulsed. It seemed to be a wonder I was still breathing. Then I realized only Edward was in the room with me. He hid his beautiful face behind his hands. If I didn't know better, I would think he was crying.

Weird, weren't there Rose and Carlisle a few seconds ago in this room, too? I turned my head slowly to check on my surroundings, seeing outside the huge window wall it was twilight again. I must have had a lack of time. Edward looked up anxiously. Then he brushed my cheek.

His hand felt exceptionally warm. About turning my whole body in his direction, I realized I was only capable of moving my arms and my head. I gasped. Edward could read the bare fear on my face. His expression grew extremely sad. I've never seen such pain in his melting butter-scotch eyes.

"Bella, it's time. Say good bye to your human life. I guess it will take just a few hours more until your heart will stop beating and your body will be completely dead."

He paused, taking my hand. He felt unbelievable warm. Then I also couldn't feel my hands anymore.

"Carlisle gave you a lot of morphine so that you almost felt no pain. A side effect is the numbness of your body, love. Don't worry."

Edward took a deep breath. "The morphine isn't going to work when your heart will stop beating. Pain will start then again," he finished.

I stared at him. The numbness has already reached my head and my lungs stopped inhaling oxygen. I felt nothing. It was still and dark. I waited for the worst.

"Edward," I cried out. The fire had returned.

"Bella, I'm so sorry. I never should have done this to you."

"Oh God, help me, please," I begged.

"Stop fighting, Bella, then it will be less painful. Your body still fights the venom," Edward said softly.

"How?" I screamed.

"Try to relax, sweetheart."

"Silly Edward, I'm dying. There's no way to relax," I forced out in a harsh tone.

Edward smiled briefly and padded my hair. "Everything is going to be fine, Bella."

"No, no, no. Oh God, no," I cried out.

I heard voices; but they disappeared. No one was coming to help me. This way was determined to be gone alone, I guessed. Not even Edward could accompany me.

My body was shaking with convulsions. Every single muscle ached. It seemed like my chest had been crashed and I was suffering from the consequences of that. Not that there had been no accident in the last days; but I doubted this suffering was the consequence of it. When the pain got unbearable I glared at Edward.

"I wanna die. Please put an end to this. I wanna die," I squeaked, still glaring at him.

"No, no, no, stop that," Edward snarled, losing his self-control for the first time.

As the pain eased up I realized Carlisle was standing behind Edward, pressing him into the chair. Emmett stood on the other side of the huge bed. He waved to me and padded my leg. I grimaced and curled into a ball.

"Could you feel that?" he asked.

I nodded, whimpering.

"Congrats, then it'll be soon over. Two and a half day have passed. You are really fast," he chuckled.

"Emmett, screw you," Edward snarled, still out of control.

"Calm down, Edward. She is tough. She almost got it."

After this short distraction the pain got bad again. I cried out and must have lost consciousness at the same moment. The last words I heard were Emmett's. "It happens," he said in a reverent tone.

As I woke the pain was gone. I opened my eyes and blinked. The brightness surprised me. I would have never expected such brightness in Forks. Shielding my eyes with one hand, I tried to get up, almost crashing against somebody.


	12. Gift

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, New Moon, and Eclipse.**_

_**Author's note:**_

_**This is my first chapter when Bella is a vampire. **_

**_How do like her new gift? Do you think it's a proper gift according to her features in her human life?_**

**_So please, do not forget to review._**

**_Thanks a lot to all of you who already did. You're really great! _  
**

**12. Gift**

"Careful, love, don't underestimate your new physical strength." I heard Edward's voice; but I heard other voices, too. They were farer away, somewhere in the house.

"As I'd said, Bella woke up," Alice proclaimed smugly.

"Don't mention that to Emmett, maybe….," Jasper broke off.

"No chance, I did beat you there," Emmett chuckled.

My senses seemed to react extremely sensitive. I sniffed.

"What is it?" Edward asked.

I removed my hand from my eyes and smiled at him. He looked tortured with deep purple bruise-like rings under his eyes. In spite of his unbearable beauty there was something new, something awful on his face. Something that was obvious; but I couldn't put my finger on it.

"Your scent is that strong I've never realized it's intensity before," I said in astonishment.

He chuckled.

"Is it done now?" I demanded, glancing curiously at my hands.

Edward nodded; his gaze was hard on me. Then he brushed gently along my cheek with his knuckles.

"You're so unbelievable warm," I remarked.

"No, Bella, you're now as cold as me," he said sadly.

"Aren't you happy that it is done now, Edward? That I am finally like you? It seemed to me like you regret what you have done."

"No again, Bella. Actually, there is something I regret; but that concerns exclusively the way and the circumstances that led to your transformation on our wedding day. You had no real choice," he paused.

"Go on, Edward," I confirmed him to continue, swallowing hard.

"Why did you do this? What did influence you to act like that? You didn't plan it; so you made your decision straight on in the car. Why, Bella. I thought I would lose you. It was awful."

He shook slowly his head and pain crossed his pale face. I watched him carefully. He looked suffering. And there was it – the "something" I couldn't identify one minute ago – it was sadness and pain - unbearable pain.

"I am so sorry, Edward. I didn't plan to kill myself. That was an accident. It was very childish, stupid and reckless to drive like this; but it felt nice at the moment. I almost could taste freedom there behind the wheel. I did not think about anything I just accelerated. It felt safe with you next to me. I did never imagine…" I waited for tears.

"What," Edward asked with a harsh tone in his velvet voice.

"Nothing," I shook my head. "I feel like I have to cry," I admitted after a long minute.

"But you won't because you can't anymore, Bella," Edward finished coherently and with a hint of reproach.

Then he must have seen something on my face that changed his mood. Seconds later I found myself cradled in his arms and pressed against his chest. It was different, a new feeling. Edward's body wasn't anymore as hard as I remembered it. Indeed, his body felt more resistant than a human's one would be; but it felt more familiar now, more tender than I was used to it. He hugged me tightly, less carefully as he would have done if I had been still human. His scent didn't seem so appealing to me anymore. I liked it still pretty much; but there was less force in it. I pressed my face against his chest and started to relax. His long fingers patted my back, brushing along my spine.

"I thought I lost you out there. Your body was shaking pretty hard because of the severe injuries. Everywhere was blood. The only way to save you was to change you, Bella. I will never forget the image of you lying there and dying," Edward said in a low voice. He sounded like a broken man. It hurt that he was still suffering from pain caused by my accident.

"It's over, Edward. I was willing to become one of your kind. And now it happened a bit earlier as planed. It doesn't matter to me. And it shouldn't to you." Putting my hands on his cheeks, I looked into his eyes and they suddenly burned. I was used to the force they had on me as I was human; but this was completely different, much more powerful. I had no chance. I couldn't resist and kissed him. He kissed me back. All boundaries were fallen. And this was the moment I suddenly understood Edward had never been able before to be completely himself with me. He always had had to be careful and concentrated on not hurting me.

This was a complete new Edward. He was passionate and determined by his instincts. I could feel his tongue in my mouth, circling around, and mine was in his. There was no need to be careful with his razor-sharp teeth. Mine were now as sharp as his and my skin was quite indestructible. I heard a low growl building up in his chest and he seemed pretty much to enjoy what we did. Breathing wasn't any longer a reason for kissing breaks and my dizziness was gone, too. Until now, I enjoyed pretty much being a vampire.

Abruptly he pulled away. I glanced in his eyes, willing to get more of his performance. "Sorry, that was totally out of line," Edward apologized. "I'm only so happy you still exist in this world. I couldn't bear a world in that you don't exit," he said, his eyes smoldering.

"Em…," I mumbled. "I wasn't really aware of any still existing lines. Actually, I thought there is no need for any lines anymore," I complained.

That's right, sweetheart; but we've a lot of overhearing people in that house," he grinned crookedly.

"Oh, sure, I see." And if I was still able, I would blush right there. About this I was one hundred percent sure.

A bit embarrassed I stood up of the bed and made my way carefully to the window wall, letting my glance wander through the garden. All stuff of my wedding was gone. Closing my eyes, I tried to forget about it and to concentrate on more pleasant things – my future with Edward. There had to exist a quite good story to explain to all wedding gusts what happened to me; but I was still too much of a coward to ask Edward which story exactly that was.

My legs felt heavy like they weighed a tone. I stepped slowly along the window wall.

"_Your eyes are very beautiful; but they must be quite sensitive by now, too. Every light hurts you, doesn't it?"_

"Thanks," I muttered. "Yes, you have no idea how right you are, they hurt pretty much and the sun doesn't even shine," I replied easily to Edward, still glancing around in the garden.

Edward stiffened next to me.

"What?" I asked alarmed, glaring at him.

"What do you exactly mean by you did not say anything, Edward?"

He smiled at me.

"No, please, tell me that's not true. I don't wanna have that gift."

"What do you do, Bella?" Edward shouted all of a sudden, pressing his long, pale fingers to his temples and falling down on his knees.

I looked scared at him, not knowing what happened.

He struggled with pain. It seemed like he was fighting something.

I wanted he stopped that. His thoughts were that confused.

"_It's you, it's you,"_ his mind screamed at me.

I was puzzled. What was me? I did nothing. I only wanted Edward stopped that and went sit dawn on his black leather couch.

I glared at him and he obeyed.

What a coincidence, I thought to myself. But Edward still didn't seem to be himself. His gaze was empty and he didn't say anything. The pain appeared to be gone and with the pain Edward's personality.

I glared shocked at him, wishing he would stand up, come to me, and tell me how much he loved me. And again, he did so.

"Oh no, I'm able to control his mind. And damn, I've no idea how I do this or how I can stop this," I realized slowly.

At the beginning he fought my force; but then he lost the fight.

Oh God, that was awful.

I shook him; but nothing happened.

Then I sat down on the couch put my hands on my face, closing my eyes. My thoughts circled and stopped by Jake. How would he react at the time he found out that I'm a vampire. I felt sorrow. And my thought stepped away to Charlie and my mother.

Lost in my parent's images I heard Edward's voice. "Bella, that was cruel," he complained. "Never do that again to people you call your friends," he said, teasing.

My eyes flipped open.

"What was that," I asked, scared of my own skills.

Edward chuckled. "Actually love, I think you are a little mind controller."

"Oh no, I thought so; but I still hoped that's not true," I moaned.

"That's not bad, Bella. Certainly, you must train your skills; but it's a great gift. Your mind has always been safe. That was a passive protection against attacker. Now you've also gotten the skill of an active protection. You can bring down everybody who wants to hurt you."

"Not just everybody who wants to hurt me, remember?" I said sarcastically.

Edward chuckled.

"You were in my head and I couldn't kick you out. Your force was quite impressive. So, let's go downstairs. The others are waiting for us. Alice is bouncing of excitement," Edward said, grinning.

I looked scared at him. What would be, if I controlled unintentionally anybody's mind? I thought to myself, hesitating.

Then Edward scooped me up and headed easily with me on his arms for the stairs as if I was still human and nothing had ever happened.


	13. Story

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, New Moon, and Eclipse. It's really a pity ;-)  
**_

_**So, here is my new chapter: **_

_**Bella uses her new gift and hears her story. **_

_**Can she bear it or are there absolutly other things she has to deal with.**_

_**Enjoy it and pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeease review! I have to know your verdict ;-) **_

**13. Story**

Everybody was standing by the grand stairs in the living room and looking curiously at us. Edward put me down on my feet and wrapped his arm around my shoulders. Glancing at Jasper, I wished more than anything else that our relationship would get a bit closer. Now that I was a vampire, too, there was no need for him anymore to stay away from me. He smiled at me and approached. I glared at him.

All of a sudden Edward started to shake my body. But my concentration on Jasper was unbreakable. He gave me all the positive feeling I needed so much and brought me out of the hole I have been fallen in for such a long time.

Jasper got closer and closer. Then he pushed Edward away and embraced me tightly. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, enjoying his presence and ignoring my surroundings. A yanking tried to interrupt our embracement. But then with a single thought it stopped. I wasn't sure who was yanking me; but I heard a scream of pain…

A harsh order followed, "Bella, stop that right now." I recognized Carlisle's melodic voice. Embarrassment overpowered me and I let Jasper go. This time it was easier to back out of another person's mind than the last time. I stopped thinking for a very short moment and relaxed my limbs. Jasper was standing in front of me and looked perplexed.

"I…, I'm… Em, I'm sorry. That wasn't my intention," I said with an unusual quiet voice.

"What happened?" Jasper asked, looking in a very bewildered way.

"Bella used her new gift on you. And it got a bit out of control, I would say," Edward remarked dryly and petted my back playfully.

"Oh dear," I heard Esme's voice, "you look so beautiful". Now she wrapped her arms around my neck and hugged me tightly.

"Hey, Bella, what's your new gift? Are you a little temptress now?" Emmett chuckled.

"Very funny, Emmett" Alice shot back.

Esme kissed my cheek and glanced at me.

Edward's and my eyes were locked for a short moment and then he nodded approvingly.

What's now? I thought to myself. Am I able to communicate with him only by using my thoughts? I wanted Edward would tell my new family about my gift and now he did.

"Did you hear me?" I asked surprised.

Everybody else looked curiously at us. He nodded, grinning.

"If you don't use too much force, you'll be able to place a message in my mind without controlling my actions," he explained, smiling.

"Oh, really," was all I could say for the moment.

After explaining my new gift to our family Edward came to me and brushed along my back.

His mind was very gloomy. It seemed he had found a way to shield his thoughts from me if I didn't really care to hear it. And I was thankful for this silence.

"What is it," he asked, looking anxiously at my face.

I shook my head. "Nothing, it's just a bit too much right now. My conversion, the new gift, and…," I swallowed hard.

"And?" Edward repeated.

"I see you still can't read my mind," I joked.

"No, actually, I can't; but I'm still trained to read your face," he pressed.

"What about Charlie and Renée? What's the story?" I whispered.

Edward's face grew hard and the little playful smile around his lips vanished. "Bella, I really doubt you wanna know this story."

"I have to. It's mine, Edward. Please, don't spare my feelings."

"You did not survive the accident. You did die at place of accident." Edward looked around the living room, avoiding telling me the rest of my story – the end of my human life.

I gripped his hand and placed it on my cheek. He glanced into my eyes. I saw the reflection of pain in his. Then he continued in a very low and even voice. "Your funeral will be on Wednesday. Alice is going to support Charlie and to help with the whole organization. I'm officially in Denali. So we have to hide here until we'll leave."

I glared frozen at his beautiful face. His beauty was one of the few things that hadn't changed during the last days.

"So, that's it. I am dead," I concluded.

Edward nodded slowly. His face was still a mask of pain.

"Do they suffer pretty hard?"

He nodded again.

"What about Jake?"

Edward closed his eyes, now stronger shielding his mind, and brushed with his long, pale index finger along his nose.

"What about him?" I pressed.

But he ignored me, his finger still placed on his perfect nose.

"War?" I asked.

He shook his head. "Not yet."

"What else? Edward, what else, c'mon, tell me."

"He did not believe in an accident and in your death. He is searching for you."

"May I see him, if he finds me?" I asked hopefully.

Edward glanced seriously at me. "No, it's too dangerous. You won't be able to control yourself and maybe he won't be, too."

"But he is a werewolf," I complained.

"That's exactly the reason why it's dangerous, Bella. Be reasonable. You are a newborn. I don't want to lose you a second time," Edward said severely.

At this point I decided it was time to change the subject. Maybe there would be a chance for me to win this battle another time.

"How is Jasper?" I looked around, searching for him. And I found him, lying on the sofa. Alice cared for him and winked to me, smiling. Abruptly I had a guilty conscience. Edward glanced at my face and chuckled.

"He's fine; just a bit dizzy. He still feels you in his head."

I eyed embarrassed the floor, not knowing what to say. Edward kissed my cheek softly. "You're still quite sweet when you're embarrassed, love. But there is really no reason for feeling like that. Everything is new to you. You have all rights to make mistakes."

"But I forced him to embrace me. That's sick," I said nauseated.

"No, love, you just used his gift for your own benefit. That's not sick, that's your instinct. You only must learn to control your instincts. Jasper will survive it. He still owes you."

I glanced confused at Edward. "Owes me?"

"Remember, you last birthday. Today you attacked him back," Edward advised me sarcastically.

"Very funny, Edward," I complained, shaking my head in disapproval.

"So, what happened during I was in Jasper's mind? I didn't notice anything. There was a scream. Was anybody in pain?" I asked anxiously.

"Oh that," Edward tried to hide his malicious joy; but a clear hint of it remained on his face. "You knocked Rose out," he admitted amused. "And I guess you did this with a single thought," he chuckled.

"Edward Cullen, that is not funny. I hurt my sister. Where is she?" My eyes searched for her; but without success. She was gone. "Where is she, Edward?" I panicked.

"Keep calm, Bella! She is in her room. We warned her against interfering; but she knew better as always."

"Did she want to protect Jasper?" I asked, not really understanding her action. If it had been Alice who had tried to protected her love; but what was Rose's motivation for protecting Jasper? I wondered

"I do not know what she wanted. Actually, I have not the littlest idea," Edward commented, still amused. "You seem to be our secret weapon, bringing down everybody with a single thought," he remarked, lost in his own thoughts.

Out of nowhere, Carlisle was standing in front of me. He placed his hand on my left shoulder and scrutinized my face. I heard his thoughts. They were very clear and structured, as if he was controlling every single thought in his mind without an exception.

"You know I hear you. I mean… everything. Maybe, no, certainly also things that I shouldn't know about," I started the conversation.

Carlisle nodded. His expression was calm.

"How are you?" he asked.

"Fine. No, I'm not thirsty. Actually, I've no idea how it feel," I admitted.

"You will, love," Edward promised darkly, petting my hair.

Carlisle's mind showed a house - more precisely a white manor. It looked similar to the house of Tanya's family; but it seemed to be even a bit more graceful than the beautiful house in Denali. I saw wood with plenty of wildlife and a lake. The image of a peaceful landscape filled my mind.

"Where is it," I asked curiously, my voice low.

"It's near Dartmouth," Edward grinned.

"Alice is a genius. She found the house two days ago in the internet and I bought it today," Edward continued.

"You bought it?" I questioned surprised.

"Won't we go to Alaska? And you, Carlisle, and the others - are you going to follow us?" Suddenly the image of being alone in a peaceful landscape put me at unease and there was a strange feeling of weakness. I would miss my old and my new family.

"Of course, we will stay together in your first years as a newborn. It'll be too dangerous if only Edward cares for you," Carlisle calmed me down.

But the weakness went on. My throat burned like fire. I swallowed hard; but the fire stayed. My mouth felt baked and desiccated. Sinking on my knees, the twisting of my stomach forced me to moan. Carlisle's and Edward's thoughts were identical.

"_She needs to hunt. Look at her face,_" Carlisle thought and Edward read his mind.

My muscles tensed and for a second I lost control of my body, falling down on the floor.

"No," I whispered.

Edward kneed next to me. "That's the price, love. You have to," he informed me seriously.

My jaw flexed and there was something inside me I couldn't describe. I couldn't escape. The force was that powerful. There was a yearning for something I did not know. For a satisfaction I obviously needed…


End file.
